So I haven't updated in a while. 
Solo auditions in choir today; it's something I really care about. Nerve-wracking, since we had to do them in front of everyone. J fucking scoffed at me; rude bastard. He's so undeservingly arrogant. One of the guys called me a tenor (he's a bari who's forced to sing tenor himself, we have none). I choose to take it as a compliment...I guess.
The response overall is flattering and saddening, and it's due to my own insecurity: I'm flattered to be complimented, but some vanity wishes that of course they would already know how wonderful I am. This also conflicts with imposed humility. Fun. I really want one solo(Jekyll and Hide), like another(Mack the Knife), and couldn't give a shit about the West Side Story one. I hope I don't get it. If I were to get one, I'd probably put money on Mack. I was so nervous for the Jekyll one that I forgot dynamics and character. I want to be hopeful, but I'll probably be disappointed. There's another guy who auditioned really well: he had the dynamics and character that I wanted; I was impressed. I went for pure head voice vs my deeper embellishments, which seems appropriate for musicals' tenor bias. This guy, D, is a bari/tenor, so he's my direct competition. We'll see.
I'm worried about music classes. I've missed so much. Pop quiz: if you see a Major/minor seventh chord in first inversion (Mm43), do you anticipate that the bassline will be a neighbor tone, passing up, or passing down? Don't know? Neither do I, but I should. I've missed so many assignments and quizzes...this is so very not good. This last bout of depression really fucked me up.
Didn't sign up for classes early enough: chemistry is full again. Goddammit.
T approached me about
(a wonderful symbol for an ex) , and wanted to know about our relationship because he's dating her now. No surprise here, she lied to him. IMO, his best decision is to wash his hands of her quickly, but I don't think he will. It's a pity that she is hooking up with him, since I've turned down invitations to hang out with other music majors because she was coming along. It's a self-imposed limitation, I know, but I can't stand to socialize with her. They don't know her bad sides, but I don't know that it's my place to educate them. The ironic thing is that I'm responsible for her decision to change majors: I have put myself into this mess. There was a period where I couldn't even keep my concentration in class because I was so revolted. :roll of the eyes: Drama.
I want out of this place so badly. There's so little here for me. Our choir doesn't even have tenors, there's no applied music for percussion, general courses suck, I can't get into a chem class to see if I want to go chem/biochem/pre-med... The only real offering is Dr. P's ear training/music theory, and that I'm fucking up. Gravy. New chances for socializing? Ha. I don't feel like I'm learning enough or growing enough.
I've been writing this instead of practicing piano or writing my book report.
Go me.
Solo auditions in choir today; it's something I really care about. Nerve-wracking, since we had to do them in front of everyone. J fucking scoffed at me; rude bastard. He's so undeservingly arrogant. One of the guys called me a tenor (he's a bari who's forced to sing tenor himself, we have none). I choose to take it as a compliment...I guess.
The response overall is flattering and saddening, and it's due to my own insecurity: I'm flattered to be complimented, but some vanity wishes that of course they would already know how wonderful I am. This also conflicts with imposed humility. Fun. I really want one solo(Jekyll and Hide), like another(Mack the Knife), and couldn't give a shit about the West Side Story one. I hope I don't get it. If I were to get one, I'd probably put money on Mack. I was so nervous for the Jekyll one that I forgot dynamics and character. I want to be hopeful, but I'll probably be disappointed. There's another guy who auditioned really well: he had the dynamics and character that I wanted; I was impressed. I went for pure head voice vs my deeper embellishments, which seems appropriate for musicals' tenor bias. This guy, D, is a bari/tenor, so he's my direct competition. We'll see.
I'm worried about music classes. I've missed so much. Pop quiz: if you see a Major/minor seventh chord in first inversion (Mm43), do you anticipate that the bassline will be a neighbor tone, passing up, or passing down? Don't know? Neither do I, but I should. I've missed so many assignments and quizzes...this is so very not good. This last bout of depression really fucked me up.
Didn't sign up for classes early enough: chemistry is full again. Goddammit.
T approached me about
(a wonderful symbol for an ex) , and wanted to know about our relationship because he's dating her now. No surprise here, she lied to him. IMO, his best decision is to wash his hands of her quickly, but I don't think he will. It's a pity that she is hooking up with him, since I've turned down invitations to hang out with other music majors because she was coming along. It's a self-imposed limitation, I know, but I can't stand to socialize with her. They don't know her bad sides, but I don't know that it's my place to educate them. The ironic thing is that I'm responsible for her decision to change majors: I have put myself into this mess. There was a period where I couldn't even keep my concentration in class because I was so revolted. :roll of the eyes: Drama.
I want out of this place so badly. There's so little here for me. Our choir doesn't even have tenors, there's no applied music for percussion, general courses suck, I can't get into a chem class to see if I want to go chem/biochem/pre-med... The only real offering is Dr. P's ear training/music theory, and that I'm fucking up. Gravy. New chances for socializing? Ha. I don't feel like I'm learning enough or growing enough.
I've been writing this instead of practicing piano or writing my book report.
Go me.