jubalharshaw

It's nearly guaranteed: if I stay awake long enough, I will think of her. And get depressed. The interesting thing will be to see if I fall asleep to orchestra in my head again.

...

Cruel humor of the universe, there's irony that the person I long for is naturally the person I would be most comfortable curling up with and letting it all hang out*. Just...cruel.


Sorta nice for the moment that I don't register on the radar here, because I might feel some pressure to be upbeat for the sake of popularity, or appearances.

*Gotta record the truth. That's me not able to fully admit to being vulnerable. The feeling is far closer to gushing release or bawling than just "letting it hang out". The first two paragraphs are pasted from my livejournal, which acquaintances read, and so I must censor myself even then. I often wonder the point of a public, supposedly [limitedly] anonymous journal if I fell I can't be honest with it. Related, it seems like the most popular people on the public boards do little and rarely more than post light-hearted with of <2 sentences. Yay substance.