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jpuddin76

Germany

Member Since 2003

Followers 8 Following 11

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Saturday Dec 31, 2005

Dec 31, 2005
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"Don't Go"
by
Bane

I wish that I could spread my arms so wide
That I could wrap them around everyone I've ever known and loved
Protect them from the crashing waves
The storms that will take us all one at a time
The unheard goodbyes that we are never ready to whisper
Turning once strong men into lost little boys
Standing well dressed staring into six-foot holes

Sick of this chill every time the phone rings too early or too late
The what-if silences that linger in between
Why can't I build a raft strong enough
To carry us through the clouds, the flames
Or any of that shit that I don't believe in
I would do anything not to have to squeeze another trembling body
Who was not ready to face life's end
Tired of sitting slumped in the corner trying not to come apart
As the lines stretch around the building

Why does only death show us how much we truly mean to each other
The beautiful things that we're not ready to lose or have yet to try
Knowledge does not come in books it comes in caskets
I don't wanna see how brave we can be anymore
I've seen the strength it takes to get past and move on
And would trade it all away to know how to keep you here forever
Maybe I've grown too old
Missed out on the glamour and the glory
Just can't see past the tears and the pain
Oh please don't bury me in the rain.



It's almost midnight here in Germany. Last year at this time I praying to stay alive long enough to see my loved ones (one in particular) at least one more time. This year I find myself praying for death (I'm NOT suicidal, there is a difference between wanting to die and wanting to kill yourself) so I never have to feel or face them ever again.

Anything is better than this. How things change over the course of a year. 2006 had best be an improvement, I don't think I can survive another year like 2005. I wish nothing but the best for all of you. Take care of each other and be safe.

Edited to add: 2 January 2006
My mom called me about an hour and a half ago to tell me my stepdad had an aneurysm. I don't know if he will live. It looks like I'll be going to Maine for awhile, my mom is handicapped and has no one else to help her. 2006 is looking right rosey frown frown frown frown frown .

Let me do a quick recap of 2005: War, death, death, abandonment, brief happiness, death, death, abandonment part II, heart break, PTSD, adultery, lies, more heart break. I have never been more ready for the end.
rumpusparable:
(hugs)

wish we were nearby each other so i could in-person sometime.

while starting on such another down note, hopefully 2006 will inch towards better as the days go by.

til later,
rp
Jan 10, 2006
rumpusparable:
oh, things are okay... just irritated but not willing to risk being booted.
Jan 17, 2006

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