I would be lying if I said all is well in my life but the reality is that it isn't. The last few years have been crazy for me. Beginning with my Mom's leukemia, a relationship with a woman that I probably should have never gotten myself involved in, discovering I have ADD (attention deficit disorder) and PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder.), losing my job, my fetish website not working out as I had planned or hoped, and then my financial problems. It seems like everything has turned to shit for me. I feel like I am in a situation I should not be in. I am going to be 36 years old in less than a month and I feel like no matter what I have done always ends in failure or something happens to fuck things up. My stress level has risen, I cannot sleep, and depression keeps setting in.
It feels like I am at a definate crossroads in my life right now. I mean I do have a job and all now but let's face facts. Slinging around sausage casings is not a job that I want as a sustainable occupation. Don't get me wrong. I am glad I have a job finally but seriously. Do I want a job that is wet and smelly for life???? This wasn't even part of the plan I had! My hope was to make some money on my website, work part time at a real job, and go back to school. CRAAAAAASH!!!
I have been given three choices over the Thanksgiving holiday. My sister is going to Italy to see her husband who is stationed there in the Navy for a year and she has given me an offer to live at her place. The only trouble is that it is in the sticks. It's across the water from Seattle in a place called Hood Canal. There, I could keep my job and go to school. I would not be doing anything but pay for groceries. The second option is move to Post Falls, Idaho (near Spokane) to live with my Mom and go to school there. Also rent free plus paying for part of groceries and of course the internet which I will definately need for that part of the world. The third option is to stick it out further here in Seattle on my own but I honestly do not think I am going to make it.
I have lived in Seattle since 1990. I have many fond memories and good times living here. I also love the numerous things to do around here but it has changed so much. I think it has in my view. The pretentiousness, pettiness, and coldness has gotten stronger here (NO. Not you Seattle SGers! I LOVE YOU ALL!)
. I am talking about the yuppie shitheads and tragically hip-sters! It is definately not the town I used to know and the town that it once was when I was a kid. Maybe I am just burned out. I mean it's been almost 15 years hasn't it? It is perhaps time to move on. I will be making my decision after Christmas on what I am going to do.
They say that in life you must pull yourself by your bootstraps. That is the biggest pile of bullshit anybody has ever said! Sometimes things happen that set you off the course you take that you cannot control. The only thing you can do is make the best of your situation and go from there. Also, there is always somebody there that will help you regardless if you know it or not. I really believe that. I know that this phunk I find myself in is not going to last forever and I will make it eventually. I am determined to get through this. I only hope!
I do not mean to sound like some jaded miserable asshole but it's the truth and the truth really hurts. I could be sunshine and puppy dogs but I just can't. That would be a deception that masks my reality. I cannot do that!
It feels like I am at a definate crossroads in my life right now. I mean I do have a job and all now but let's face facts. Slinging around sausage casings is not a job that I want as a sustainable occupation. Don't get me wrong. I am glad I have a job finally but seriously. Do I want a job that is wet and smelly for life???? This wasn't even part of the plan I had! My hope was to make some money on my website, work part time at a real job, and go back to school. CRAAAAAASH!!!
I have been given three choices over the Thanksgiving holiday. My sister is going to Italy to see her husband who is stationed there in the Navy for a year and she has given me an offer to live at her place. The only trouble is that it is in the sticks. It's across the water from Seattle in a place called Hood Canal. There, I could keep my job and go to school. I would not be doing anything but pay for groceries. The second option is move to Post Falls, Idaho (near Spokane) to live with my Mom and go to school there. Also rent free plus paying for part of groceries and of course the internet which I will definately need for that part of the world. The third option is to stick it out further here in Seattle on my own but I honestly do not think I am going to make it.
I have lived in Seattle since 1990. I have many fond memories and good times living here. I also love the numerous things to do around here but it has changed so much. I think it has in my view. The pretentiousness, pettiness, and coldness has gotten stronger here (NO. Not you Seattle SGers! I LOVE YOU ALL!)
. I am talking about the yuppie shitheads and tragically hip-sters! It is definately not the town I used to know and the town that it once was when I was a kid. Maybe I am just burned out. I mean it's been almost 15 years hasn't it? It is perhaps time to move on. I will be making my decision after Christmas on what I am going to do.
They say that in life you must pull yourself by your bootstraps. That is the biggest pile of bullshit anybody has ever said! Sometimes things happen that set you off the course you take that you cannot control. The only thing you can do is make the best of your situation and go from there. Also, there is always somebody there that will help you regardless if you know it or not. I really believe that. I know that this phunk I find myself in is not going to last forever and I will make it eventually. I am determined to get through this. I only hope!
I do not mean to sound like some jaded miserable asshole but it's the truth and the truth really hurts. I could be sunshine and puppy dogs but I just can't. That would be a deception that masks my reality. I cannot do that!
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
P.S- I hear ya sweetie. I would say that I have been going through hell for the last several months..smmer and fall and a tad leftover from the spring. Been very depressed as well and dealing with my Epilepsy..but atlast ready to not give up without a fight I've recently come back and ready to let the past be the past. Let me know if you ever need to talk and take care!
the way i see it is if i left my friends behind at least i would find out who are the true friends who keep in touch and who were the fuckers.. sigh.. I hate having to say that but oh well.. Anyways I know the choice wont be easy but Im sure things will work out for you...
Good luck sweetie