joyrider

i updated my pic. i found an extra scary one from the neon blue hair phase. yikes.

in other news, i've got an apt at infinity tattoo on wednesday of next week. i am going to cry like a little girl.

things that preoccupy me today:

marmot totems.
the smell of chandana and crocus.
kalachakra. breath is time.

i want to hack out a space in the night sky and hide there. i want to count the passage of days: 27, 54, 108, 360, 21600.

i made a list of all the drugs i've done and what schedule they are. it annoys me that marijuana is a schedule I drug and methamphetamine is a schedule II drug. i fail to see how that makes any sense. stupid thought police.

please join me in celebrating 4 months of unemployment. yay.

i came up to portland to find work. it didn't really work out. when this recession lifts, portland is going to be rolling in a highly-educated workforce chomping at the bit to get out of the shitty retail jobs they've been clingling too like driftwood.

in the meantime, as much as i fucking adore this...
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my ex's cat is missing. he is black and sleek. he likes adventures: riding on the hoods of cars, falling out of trees, and eating carrots. his name is Aku, and he answers to it.

if you're in Reno and you see him, let me know ok?

***

i a still not ready to say anything here. it would make it too real, and i...
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lot of things going on right now, but somehow putting them here feels premature. right now, i need some clarity in my thoughts before i put them out for others. this is not the usual me: most of the time i just write and what happens, happens. i am much more honest with my heart than my head. everything occupying me right now is head...
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my head is really fucked up right now.

with the tip of my tongue i can feel an impacted wisdom tooth pushing through the side of my gums. i taste blood. i have a wicked headache coming on; i am praying it doesn't go migraine. i don't want to spend tuesday curled up on the floor with a wet towel on my head.

i am...
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i am tired and jittery.

eris and i went to see erase errata at the blackbird. i forgot my 'plugs and now my ears are buzzing. good show, though. lotsa energy and math rock goodness. i'm glad i went.

i'm going to take a shower and sleep now. zzz.

hi! today i met eris.

some things about eris:
- she is thoughtful
- she is fun
- she is very nice
- she is super cute
- she is (by her own admission) high maintenence
- she has pink kitty ears on her hoodie
- she likes to argue with cabbies

after much gnashing of teeth due to traffic snarls (bush was in portland...
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left lobe:
no no no no no.
i can't get crushy. this is bad. i have stuff to do. finding job stuff. bill paying stuff. stuff.

right lobe:
how long was i asleep? wow, i feel things again. let's make something. find a way to kiss her and look at her eyes.