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joshof13thfloor

McMinnville,TN

Member Since 2003

Followers 100 Following 156

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Tuesday Jun 14, 2005

Jun 14, 2005
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Fuck.

Fuckitty-fuck-fuck-fuck.

I've got too much going on in this fucked up brain pan o' mine and I got no idea how to get it all out.

Normally I wouldn't worry about getting it all out but see it's gotten so bad recently that i've had that weird feeling stuck in my chest that you get when everything's all fucked up emotionally. Y'know the one i'm talking about, the one where you feel like you've got your last breath trapped in your throat and you're going to exhale it at any moment and the worst part is that you're not sure if you actually want to hold it back or just let go. Does that make any sense at all?

Anyway. I'm all fucked up right now (as compared to all those times I feel really well adjusted).

At the risk of seeming overly dramatic, it seems like everybody and everything in my life that I truly care for has kicked me in the proverbial balls. No, fuck that, actually being kicked in the balls would be much preferable to this sorry state I currently find myself in.

I'm so fucking confused I can barely decide what to eat for lunch much less make any sort of important decisions.

My personal life? Fuck, again, I don't know. Everythings just turned to shit.

Mentally i'm a fucking train wreck.

Even wrestling. My escape, my therapy, my Albatross. There is no man alive who could give me any form of physical beating so bad that it would drive me from the business I so dearly love but if the drama doesn't end soon I think I may just walk the fuck away. Fuck.

Emotionally I just want to die, sleep, something. I just want to go away.

Fuck it. I don't know anymore. I just want it all to end and right now i'm really don't much care how that might happen just so long as it does.
VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
sakita:
josh, are you ok.. do you want me to call? i love you and you know that i am there if ever you need me.

kiss
Jun 29, 2005
smuffy:
hey how's it going?

♥
Jun 30, 2005

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