joshof13thfloor

Fuck me, but I miss this place.

Okay, truth be told, it's not really the place I miss so much as it is the people I miss.

I hate to say this but it's looking like I may be gone from here for an awfully long time. The computer is no closer to being fixed and I couldn't afford an internet connection right now even if it was.

***************************************************

On a different, yet perhaps even more depressing note, today is the three year anniversary of my fathers death. More to the point, it's the anniversary of the day that what I did to him finally caught up to him and took his life.

People have been telling me for years, ever since it happened, that it wasn't/isn't my fault and i'm glad they feel that way but it sure as Hell doesn't feel like i'm not to blame.

I don't know who is right. What's true? Are they right? Am I? I don't know. I know what my mind says, it says that it might not have been my fault, my heart however calls me a killer.

All I really know is that my father is gone and it hurts just as much now as it did then.

***************************************************

I hate to take what little time I have here and use it just to bitch and moan but I guess it's the way I feel today. Depressed. Lonley and alone. Hurt and hurting.

***************************************************

I hope to talk to you all again sometime soon, until then I hope life treats you well.

Peace.

-Josh