Before anyone reads this I just want to say, for the record, that I am not depressed. I'm just trying to figure a few things out and i'm spilling them here to come back and look at later. For those of you who indulge me when I do this shit, you have my thanks.
I've had a lot of time to do a lot of heavy thinking lately and i've come upon a very startling realization about something concerning myself.
I am accustomed to being a failure. Seriously. I'm not sure where or when exactly it happened in my life but somewhere along the way I got use to losing.
In what people consider the game of life I have never won anything, as a matter of fact I have very rarely ever even gotten out of the starting gate.
Losing is easy, losing is comfortable, I know how to lose. Failure is easy as falling off of one of those proverbial logs that everyone is always talking about falling off of.
I honestly wouldn't know where to start where winning is concerned. Winning brings things I typically choose to avoid as a loser, responsibility, effort, dedication.
I have in my own way defeated loss in that I can never truly lose because I never truly even try. I've never given school my all, i've never given the comics my all, Hell, if wrestling didn't come to me like water to a fish I probably would have quit that by now as well.
Now that I know this for a fact it still dosen't tell me what i'm supposed to do to change it. I have yet another answer to a question I never asked.
All I really know is that I want to win. I want to be something better than myself. I want to make those who love me proud of me. I want to fulfill the promises i've made to all those who've gone before me. I want to create a better life for those I love, my family and friends. I want to win, I just don't know how to start.
Oh well, I suppose it will all work itself out in the end right? (notice the procrastinating attitude?
)
Now everybody go listen to some Black Sabbath. If Ozzy, Tony, Geezer, and Bill aren't the answer then fuck whatever the question was.
Peace.
I've had a lot of time to do a lot of heavy thinking lately and i've come upon a very startling realization about something concerning myself.
I am accustomed to being a failure. Seriously. I'm not sure where or when exactly it happened in my life but somewhere along the way I got use to losing.
In what people consider the game of life I have never won anything, as a matter of fact I have very rarely ever even gotten out of the starting gate.
Losing is easy, losing is comfortable, I know how to lose. Failure is easy as falling off of one of those proverbial logs that everyone is always talking about falling off of.
I honestly wouldn't know where to start where winning is concerned. Winning brings things I typically choose to avoid as a loser, responsibility, effort, dedication.
I have in my own way defeated loss in that I can never truly lose because I never truly even try. I've never given school my all, i've never given the comics my all, Hell, if wrestling didn't come to me like water to a fish I probably would have quit that by now as well.
Now that I know this for a fact it still dosen't tell me what i'm supposed to do to change it. I have yet another answer to a question I never asked.
All I really know is that I want to win. I want to be something better than myself. I want to make those who love me proud of me. I want to fulfill the promises i've made to all those who've gone before me. I want to create a better life for those I love, my family and friends. I want to win, I just don't know how to start.
Oh well, I suppose it will all work itself out in the end right? (notice the procrastinating attitude?
)
Now everybody go listen to some Black Sabbath. If Ozzy, Tony, Geezer, and Bill aren't the answer then fuck whatever the question was.
Peace.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
blackbart:
I sympathise completely, I have found my personal solution to the fact that I get no-where in life.... I just dont care anymore, I've been much happier ever since I took this attitude, all I want anymore is a place to sleep in, and the occasional cheesburger, anything beyond that I consider to be a pleasent bonus. Course total apathy isnt for everyone, and can seriously crimp your social life, but I never really had one of those either 
doublec:
thank is really sweet of you to say, thank you! 