I will in 4 days, be 29 years old. I do not point this out for the hope of the good tidings of well wishers, i point it out because in the 29 years i will have been on this earth i have accomplished relatively nothing.
None of my dreams, none of my hopes, none of the promises i've made to myself, and most importantly none of the promises i have made to those who have gone before me.
29 years of broken promises and crushed dreams. 29 years of wasted time and fruitless efforts. 29 years and nothing to show for it at all.
Of course i have my family and i love them and am grateful to have them in my life but that still doesn't change the fact that my dreams have all been for naught.
My dreams are ever present. Every time i close my eyes they are there, always lurking in the corners of my mind. Never letting me know a moments peace.
I wish i could kill them, my dreams i mean. I've tried to before but it never takes, they always come back. They come back to remind me what a failure i am, they come back to remind me of all the peoples memories i've disgraced.
My cousin Greg died thinking i would use our mutual dreams to conquer our part of the world. I made a promise to his memory, to him, that i would not fall short of what we desired. I failed. I lied.
People say that artists draw and writers write, right? Well, i do neither and yet i refer to myself as being both. I am both failure and liar, but i never meant to lie to all of them. I simply never relized that i was lying to myself.
29 years of daydreaming and doodling, 29 years of wasting my life with characters and stories only existing in my pathetic imagination, 29 years of undermining what could have been.
I have neither the skill nor the imaginaton to craft that which burns inside of me. All of our dreams are lost to us now, they've crashed upon me as a ship might crash upon a shorline.
29 years. I wish i could dream my dreams away.
None of my dreams, none of my hopes, none of the promises i've made to myself, and most importantly none of the promises i have made to those who have gone before me.
29 years of broken promises and crushed dreams. 29 years of wasted time and fruitless efforts. 29 years and nothing to show for it at all.
Of course i have my family and i love them and am grateful to have them in my life but that still doesn't change the fact that my dreams have all been for naught.
My dreams are ever present. Every time i close my eyes they are there, always lurking in the corners of my mind. Never letting me know a moments peace.
I wish i could kill them, my dreams i mean. I've tried to before but it never takes, they always come back. They come back to remind me what a failure i am, they come back to remind me of all the peoples memories i've disgraced.
My cousin Greg died thinking i would use our mutual dreams to conquer our part of the world. I made a promise to his memory, to him, that i would not fall short of what we desired. I failed. I lied.
People say that artists draw and writers write, right? Well, i do neither and yet i refer to myself as being both. I am both failure and liar, but i never meant to lie to all of them. I simply never relized that i was lying to myself.
29 years of daydreaming and doodling, 29 years of wasting my life with characters and stories only existing in my pathetic imagination, 29 years of undermining what could have been.
I have neither the skill nor the imaginaton to craft that which burns inside of me. All of our dreams are lost to us now, they've crashed upon me as a ship might crash upon a shorline.
29 years. I wish i could dream my dreams away.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
29 spankings
29 pokes
29 balloons
just two candles (29 might burn down the house)
29 hugs
hope you have a fun day!
Birthdays rawk.
enjoy.
-Joe