josephene

The alarm sounds...and for three seconds, I don't remember. Three seconds is what it takes to circulate enough blood to the memory glands...three seconds of never getting that phone call...three seconds of plans that are still in place turning a mediocre life into a reason to wake up in the morning, three seconds...

By the fourth, my memory awakes.

My days are filled with functioning. Going to work, putting on my plastic smile...so people will quit asking..."so, how are you?" It's hard to be frustrated with someone who means well, so I politely answer..."okay..." Okay? Yup, okay. I get up, shower, go to work, go through the motions of my life...so from the outside no one knows.

The outpouring of support here has been overwhelming. I thank you all for being the wonderful people I knew you were. Arriving home on Sunday night to find an inbox full of messages and a phone full of text messages, was such a gift. Even though I didn't feel like talking, your presence was such a comfort.

Life will somehow go on, I'd imagine. What's the alternative? I'm thankful for my family, who have been my release from life. The only people in my life who don't have to ask..."how are you?" they just know. I'm thankful for all of you...who have made the fall a bit less harsh with your kind words. I'm thankful for those who allowed me just to cry...I'm thankful to those beautiful voices who can still make me laugh...

...and I'm thankful for those three seconds.