josephene

In an effort to wash the last two weeks away, tonight I headed out to the lake with friends. And now I'm home. Call it, a desire to keep their great moods in tact.

Over-emotional
Over-stressed
Over-extended

This isn't what I signed up for.

Self-pity leads to self-loathing, which leads to guilt. Others have it far worse than I do and yet I find a nice corner of my life to sit and contemplate what else could possibly happen.

Sheer, pure happiness is out of my reach. It's there, a constant reminder of it's existence, but I can't touch it. Dehydrated on the sea. Most days, it's okay. It's enough to want, desire, and feel. Other days, I crave. Crave the idea of opening my heart to love again.

Contemplation, the most sincere evil.

I am weak and it's okay tonight. I will permit my heart a night off from self persecution. I will crawl into the oasis of my bed and search the corners of my mind for that smile. I miss it, but perhaps it too needs a night off.

Tomorrow brings a new day of obligations and responsibilities. However, it also brings my family. I'll return with my smile in a few days.

Until then...