I'm an absolute moron today. See, I'm one of those people who feels like I have to do everything perfect on the first try. So whether I'm at work or school or with the band, wherever -- I have to make sure I know specifically what I'm doing or else I fail.
This is one of those times. People don't understand that I ask a lot of "stupid" questions about specifics so that I don't fuck up. The thing is though, if I forget about one single minute detail, I fuck up, and then I feel even more idiotic because it's my fault that I didn't ask, for fear of being looked at as incompetent. A colleague of mine thinks this very thing of me because I asked a lot of questions that were "stupid" to her.
I took this from Wikipedia: Asperger's Syndrome:
This leads to no end of troubles both in childhood and adulthood. When a teacher asks a child with Asperger's, "And did the dog eat your homework?", the child with Asperger's will remain silent if they don't understand the expression, trying to figure out if they need to explain to the teacher that they don't have a dog and besides dogs don't generally like paper. The child doesn't understand what the teacher is asking, cannot infer the teacher's meaning or the fact that there is a non-literal meaning from the tone of voice, posture or facial expression, and is faced with a question which made as much sense to him as "did the glacier in the library bounce today?" The teacher walks away from the experience frustrated and thinking the child is arrogant, spiteful and insubordinate. The child sits there mutely, feeling frustrated and wronged.
This really explains why I felt incompetent in class. And when anyone tells me to do anything at all now, I feel and look like a fucking deer caught in headlights.
Not that I've been diagnosed with that condition or anything (at least I don't think I'm autistic)...but it kinda relates with my social anxiety disorder, and that, too, makes me feel unfit for humanity.
it'd be even happier if ya'd join me @ bar sinister on saturday... i'd have a bucket full of