Thank you for all the sweet comments and love I have felt in this tough time.

My visit out East was not nearly the difficult ordeal I imagined it would be.

True, my grandma's body is deteriorating, and true this may be the last time I ever see her, but the reality is she is not dead yet, and knowing her she will probably end up lasting a few more years to teach us all.

Nonetheless, the timing of our trip was perfect.

My grandmother has all her wits about her, she has her humour, and she still has her heart. Though her heart valves are failing she still has her heart, her soul. She is still very much HER. And that made it all so easy. We looked at old photos, shared stories, sang, laughed, a lot.

Not only was my immediate family there but also all of my grandmother's children, something that has not happened in years due in part to a falling out between some of the family. It was a time for brothers and sisters and nieces and uncles to make peace.

My uncles were not the things I had remembered them to be, any more, the years have softened us all I suppose.

There was more laughter and less tears then I imagined. I became a little closer to family that have always been so distant more than, I believe, the miles between east coast and west can account for. We are all struggling in our ways to feel that sense of belonging.

I may in fact be the black sheep, my uncle may in fact be the white sheep in a family of black, but one thing is for sure, we all struggle for acceptance and love, have fears of not being a part of. And this week, at least, there was love and acceptance in abundance.

I am going to miss my family.

Perhaps this time, we will all keep in touch.

Such a precious gift is family, though I never really felt that way before, how easily it is taken for granted.