Tuesday May 11, 2004

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he's back. Now this is where I need to figure it out. I love him so much and he is my first love and he always be but... I'm so afraid he'll tear me apart again and I just don't know if I can deal with it. I'm afraid of very few things in this world and he is one of them. I'm afraid because what if he is the one and and I don't take this chance and I never find it again. I'm afraid it will work out this time. I'm afaid he's not the one and he'll hurt me so bad this time i won't be able to come back from it.

See he has been in and out of my life not always by choice but sometimes by choice too. We have known each other for 6 years and my best times in my life were when i was with him and the worst times were when i just couldn't have him. When he touches me nothing else in the world matters for that second, our conversations never and and are rarley boring. we fit together like i have with no one else. I hate this saying because it implys I'm not whole but he makes me feel complete.

On the other hand we both have devistated each other emotionally in the past, but we're like friggin' magnets and never stay away from each other long, we try the friendship thing and that always goes out the window. now hes back after being gone for a year. . .
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
mohollyweird:
hi, i hope things have worked out since your post, but in case they have not:
no one:
should live in fear. Your "well, I wills" are just excuses to purpetuate a state of mind and body that you've become accustomed to. You need to break the cycle and leave him, find a womens support group for yourself nearby who will help you with what to do or say. you might not have to end it with him, but things need to change. You deserve to be happy.
Mohollywood
bigbadjay:
thats a god damned shame. i think everyone has been through something like this and the only thing you can do is play it out until the tears come again, and it feels like its over. other wise you'll just end up regretting it for the rest of your life. it really sucks, but sometimes thats how these things have to play out. don't worry though, you're really pretty and you seem pretty smart. i'm sure everything will work out in your favour.

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