jora

Its hard to believe that I havent updated in over a month. Wow, time does get away from one, doesnt it?

I am ashamed to say that I am still unpacking from the move. I have a lot of crap, plus I am getting overwhelmed easily these days, so there is still a lot to unpack and organize. Makes me wish that I still did speed on a regular basis so I could just finish it all in one day. My surroundings are starting to add to my already deep depressions that seem to hit me more and more recently.

Luckily, Brian is the most understanding guy on the planet and puts up with my sobbing fits and negativity. Its been like a rollercoaster for a while now. Not our relationship per se, but my moods. I am tempted to try another anti-depressant, but also very scared that it could make things worse. I dont think I could handle anything worse.

I also have screwed up a rather nice friendship in this past week. Not that I meant to, but I misunderstood some things and then she misunderstood some things, and wham, no more friendship. I wrote her an email apologizing for the parts where I think I went crazy, but seeing as how I havent heard back from her, I think I pretty much fucked it up for good.
Sigh

I havent been going to the weekly poetry slams lately. This makes me sad. I just feel so insecure on so many levels around that crowd. I am glad that Brian has still been going to them though, because he certainly needs a fun and creative environment to balance out the insanity with me at home.

Butspeaking of Brianwe had a breakthrough of sorts yesterday. Some honesty was exchanged and then we ended up staying up until 2am this morning playing creative writing games. I was thinking of posting some of the results here for your amusement. I laughed so hard this morning, that I peed my pants literally! I was a bit, okay a lot, 420 too, so I have somewhere to point the blame of my loss of control. Brian is sooo fun to play with, especially when we do writing stuff. Im sure only geeky writers and poets would understand, but man, was it ever fun just to get silly with him!

Oh, I changed phone sex companies. I really liked the one where I was working, but I just wasnt getting enough calls. After I tried everything I could think of, I finally switched places. I am so much happier now! I love the girls at the new place, and I am finally getting talk minutes (many more than I was). I feel very encouraged, since I seem to be doing okay and I havent even begun to really market myself yet. I am trying to remain positive and work hard. Yay! Now if I could just figure out a way to tell my mother that I have had a job since January and that I am not the loser fuck that she thinks that I ambut my instincts tell me to not tell her that I am a phone sex operator, and I have no idea what else to tell her. I fear that one of these days I will just blurt it out and then she will erupt.

My goal now is to try to make enough per month to actually help with the bills. Brian is working so hard to support us. It is hard on him, I am sure, and I hate the fact that I am not the Sugar Momma anymore. I love spoiling him, and us, and now its just not possible. Grr.

So, um, this update is long for an SG journal post. I guess thats what happens when I put it off for so long. I hope all my buddies out there in SG land are doing well. I will try to find some time to visit and post to your journals. I miss you all!!

Later Masterbaters!