So, I found out yesterday that a friend (and ex-coworker) of mine killed himself. Here is the news story from The Daily Journal (San Mateo, CA):
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Suicide closes road
A man that leaped from a raised section of Interstate Highway 280 onto Crystal Springs Road in Hillsborough yesterday afternoon died instantly, a San Mateo County Sheriff's office spokesman said.
A motorist saw the man, Emmanuel Marchand, 35, of Los Altos, climb onto the railing of the section of Interstate 280 called the Eugene Doran Memorial Bridge. He jumped off around 12:50 p.m., said Sgt. Bill Bonifacio.
The motorist said the man dropped about 200 feet and landed on Crystal Springs Road, where he died instantly.
Crystal Springs Road was closed between Skyline Boulevard and Polhemus Road. The road was opened between 2:30 p.m. and 3 p.m., said Bonifacio.
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I cant believe he would kill himself, much less in such an extreme way. What the article doesnt say is that in the last few years, his health declined in a bad way. He was one of those super fit guys his whole life and then he got a Thyroid disease. He became very depressed because his life became a shadow of what it once was. The medication made him gain weight and brought on insomnia. He had a large group of friends, had the support of Doctors, etc., but it was not enough. Apparently, he was fine (as he could be) all week and then randomly, something triggered the decision to jump.
I am so torn apart by this! Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. Emmanuel was one of the coolest people Ive ever known. He was from France, so he had a crazy accent that he wouldnt let go of. We had the same birthday, which he would always joke about (that we were twins, born a year apart). He knew how much I love cats, so he would freak me out by saying, Ah, I love zee kitties too. I love to squish them and eat them with salt and pepper! Then he would laugh hysterically. He would play Battle of the Accents with a vendor we had from China. He would say to her, Would you like to speak with Nicole. Yes, NICOLE! N likenincompoop? [My real name is Nicole.] I would just roll my eyes knowing that the vendor had no idea that he was making good-natured fun of her and me, both at the same time. He would eat really weird food all day. He had a large Tupperware container that he would layer with fruit and veggies, and he would eat it layer by layer all day. It always looked like he was eating a piece of health art. Everyone who knew him loved him. He always made other people feel included and happy.
It breaks my heart that he is gone. I had a nervous breakdown yesterday after my boy got home. I guess I held it in all day until he could be there to hold me as I sobbed and screamed. I was on the phone all day with other friends of Emmanuels and I held most of my pain inside so I could function. In some cases, I was the one to break the news to certain people. God, that sucked.
I had a dreamless sleep last night, which makes me believe in miracles. I held off going to bed as long as I could for fear that my usually vivid dreams would be of him dying. If I did dream of him, I dont remember it and for that, I am thankful.
Today, I feel an urgency to tell everyone that I care about that I DO care about them, to bury all the silly fights, and to grab life by the balls and LIVE it. It seems disrespectful to wallow in my own depression and social anxiety. Life is so precious. Why the fuck do I waste it??? Im pissed that someone as beautiful as Emmanuel couldnt find the help and support he needed SOMEWHERE, and I know that people around him tried. I miss him, feel horrible pain for him when I think of those last few minutes and what must have been going on in his head, and I am pissed at him for giving up. He has robbed his friends and family of his future, and we will all be a little less for it.
Okay, I think I need to go cuddle my kitties now (alright, and the ugly dog).
Hugs to you all. Thanks for being in my life.
------------------------
Suicide closes road
A man that leaped from a raised section of Interstate Highway 280 onto Crystal Springs Road in Hillsborough yesterday afternoon died instantly, a San Mateo County Sheriff's office spokesman said.
A motorist saw the man, Emmanuel Marchand, 35, of Los Altos, climb onto the railing of the section of Interstate 280 called the Eugene Doran Memorial Bridge. He jumped off around 12:50 p.m., said Sgt. Bill Bonifacio.
The motorist said the man dropped about 200 feet and landed on Crystal Springs Road, where he died instantly.
Crystal Springs Road was closed between Skyline Boulevard and Polhemus Road. The road was opened between 2:30 p.m. and 3 p.m., said Bonifacio.
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I cant believe he would kill himself, much less in such an extreme way. What the article doesnt say is that in the last few years, his health declined in a bad way. He was one of those super fit guys his whole life and then he got a Thyroid disease. He became very depressed because his life became a shadow of what it once was. The medication made him gain weight and brought on insomnia. He had a large group of friends, had the support of Doctors, etc., but it was not enough. Apparently, he was fine (as he could be) all week and then randomly, something triggered the decision to jump.
I am so torn apart by this! Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. Emmanuel was one of the coolest people Ive ever known. He was from France, so he had a crazy accent that he wouldnt let go of. We had the same birthday, which he would always joke about (that we were twins, born a year apart). He knew how much I love cats, so he would freak me out by saying, Ah, I love zee kitties too. I love to squish them and eat them with salt and pepper! Then he would laugh hysterically. He would play Battle of the Accents with a vendor we had from China. He would say to her, Would you like to speak with Nicole. Yes, NICOLE! N likenincompoop? [My real name is Nicole.] I would just roll my eyes knowing that the vendor had no idea that he was making good-natured fun of her and me, both at the same time. He would eat really weird food all day. He had a large Tupperware container that he would layer with fruit and veggies, and he would eat it layer by layer all day. It always looked like he was eating a piece of health art. Everyone who knew him loved him. He always made other people feel included and happy.
It breaks my heart that he is gone. I had a nervous breakdown yesterday after my boy got home. I guess I held it in all day until he could be there to hold me as I sobbed and screamed. I was on the phone all day with other friends of Emmanuels and I held most of my pain inside so I could function. In some cases, I was the one to break the news to certain people. God, that sucked.
I had a dreamless sleep last night, which makes me believe in miracles. I held off going to bed as long as I could for fear that my usually vivid dreams would be of him dying. If I did dream of him, I dont remember it and for that, I am thankful.
Today, I feel an urgency to tell everyone that I care about that I DO care about them, to bury all the silly fights, and to grab life by the balls and LIVE it. It seems disrespectful to wallow in my own depression and social anxiety. Life is so precious. Why the fuck do I waste it??? Im pissed that someone as beautiful as Emmanuel couldnt find the help and support he needed SOMEWHERE, and I know that people around him tried. I miss him, feel horrible pain for him when I think of those last few minutes and what must have been going on in his head, and I am pissed at him for giving up. He has robbed his friends and family of his future, and we will all be a little less for it.
Okay, I think I need to go cuddle my kitties now (alright, and the ugly dog).
Hugs to you all. Thanks for being in my life.
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
kingskottie:
hey you friended me! HOORAY!
knine:
I am sorry to hear about that, I just can not understand getting to that point and I have been in some real lows as of late. Thanks about my lil girl , yes she is very pink haha 