I am so disgusted with people! Esp. ones in SG chat (right now).
Is it too much to ask for some real connection? I don't care about small talk. If I reach out in chat, I get a bunch of shallow BS. I know, consider where I'm reaching, but fuck, doesn't anyone out there feel like I feel????? I'm sick to death of how people are blind and stupid and don't care about anyone but themselves. (There are some exceptions...both Michaels, Rodney & SilenceNoir, for example).
I am dying inside and no one can hear me sceaming for help. What the fuck am I supposed to do?? I try so hard - I'm on the freaking meds and I still hate myself. I'm tired of wanting that connection, knowing in the back on my mind that it would only lead to rejection eventually. Thank the stars for the internet...where even the "real" people aren't real. They can't see the pain or humor in my eyes. They can't really touch me.
All this "nothing" I've been feeling is just a shield for intense pain. I can't ease it. No one can.
Have a lovely evening everyone,
jora33
Is it too much to ask for some real connection? I don't care about small talk. If I reach out in chat, I get a bunch of shallow BS. I know, consider where I'm reaching, but fuck, doesn't anyone out there feel like I feel????? I'm sick to death of how people are blind and stupid and don't care about anyone but themselves. (There are some exceptions...both Michaels, Rodney & SilenceNoir, for example).
I am dying inside and no one can hear me sceaming for help. What the fuck am I supposed to do?? I try so hard - I'm on the freaking meds and I still hate myself. I'm tired of wanting that connection, knowing in the back on my mind that it would only lead to rejection eventually. Thank the stars for the internet...where even the "real" people aren't real. They can't see the pain or humor in my eyes. They can't really touch me.
All this "nothing" I've been feeling is just a shield for intense pain. I can't ease it. No one can.
Have a lovely evening everyone,
jora33
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
an even better use of your time though might be to try seeking dramatic new information. if you have one of those combined Borders cafe/bookstores near you, think about dedicating 2-3 hours of your time there. coffee, tea, philosophy, history, spirituality, etc. deadly serious books still full of uncensored ideas and all still at your fingertips for the time being. sounds like you could use a new injection of ideas. new ideas add "spark" to life like nothing else. we all could use some spark from time to time.
all up I've had a hell of a week too, hopefully fortune will smile again on both of us soon... until then, well at least we have the darkness.