jora

Still playing catch-up!
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10/8/2005

We were supposed to go to a party tonight, but my flu is still raging. Oh well. Instead, we started watching Angel season 5 DVDs again. We are almost done with the series. We sadly finished Buffy not too long ago. But, we still have Firefly and then the movie Serenity to look forward to. I never realized how many DVD sets I own. I think I have the first 3 or 4 seasons of Farscape too. That should be fun.

We also got new cell phones this week. Mine was very old, so now I can do what all the kids are doing and text, take pics, etc. Now if I just had a life and friends, these things would come in handy. LOL.

One of my cats, Beau, is acting weird. He is old and probably near the end of his life, but now suddenly, he is acting aggressive towards one of the younger male cats. Not good. Beau was due for a vet check-up anyway, so Brian and I are taking Beau and the new kitten, Elby, to the vet on Monday. I hope Beau is okay. I am a very worried cat mom right now.

I need to get back to bringing in some money. I havent done my PSO job in a while. At first, I was just taking a little break since it tends to burn me out pretty quickly. Then I got that damn flu, and no one wants to talk sexy with a stuffy nosed girl. As usual when I havent been on the phones for any amount of time, I am nervous. I dont know why, but if I take more than a day or two off, it always feels like I am about to do it for the first time all over again. Weird. Then I take a call, do great, and everything is fine. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Well, pizza is coming and Angel beckons, so later.

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10/18/2005

I am freaking out a little right now. After not working outside the home in just over a year, I have a job interview today. I am feeling very insecure. I get very socially anxious as it is, but the idea of trying to sell myself and then having to follow that up with daily competence is making my mind spin.

Brian is nice enough to drive me there with a promise of going out to a nice dinner afterwards. He is so supportive. I dont know what I would do without him. In fact, after living a life of seclusion for many years where I did everything on my own (i.e. without emotional support of any kind), it scares me and comforts me to lean on him in that way. Ive been worrying a lot lately about letting him down, or not doing my part in our relationship. I am not used to being a taker, but I am trying to find some balance. I think that learning to receive is just as important as being able to give.

But, so yeahI am nervous as Hell. To top it off, this possible boss is the husband of a long-time friend of mine. The pressure to be perfect and knowing that I can never be perfect is a bit overwhelming right now.

I need to start getting ready. I am debating about taking one of my anxiety pills. I hate to medicate to function, but what if I act like a hyper-spaz? I guess I can decide after I am done grooming and getting dressed. Sigh

For those of you who actually read this crap that I write, wish me luck.