jonze

I need to do something with my life...

I need to fix my life...

I've got this drive, this aching, annoying, nagging feeling that I'm not doing enough. That I'm not pushing myself hard enough, that I'm not doing things, meeting people, making things happen. And the truth is I'm not. My work ethic has found my weak spot....guilt. And it's eating away at me in such a way that would make my mother or the Catholic Church jealous. But then laziness just kinda slides in and makes everything comfy and manageable....tomorrow. It always tomorrow, or the next day. Never now, today, this moment. I need to kill that part of me, that cancerous bit of laziness. It's time I did something, anything. Professionally I'm in a rut....

....and personally? Well, personally well I've been a rut longer than I can remember. I mean, I can make friends pretty easily....but nothing past that. Really nothing. I've had one girlfriend my entire life, and it didn't really last that long. I have such a tough time with relationships and I don't know why. My friend MeAtyPunK says that I just need to get laid for once and I'll be fine, but I don't really believe him. Really, it can't change that much about me...but, well fuck, I don't know...I don't seem to know anything anymore. Why can't shit just be clear for once. There's too many options and everywhere I look I'm still alone. Just me, wanderin' along, lost in the crowd. People all around but I'm still by myself. And it's not like I'm some poor tragically misunderstood emo kid....we're all lost out here. We're all strangers to each other and the only person we can really count on and believe in is ourselves.....and well, I don't know about you, but I don't like me. I can't think of one thing that really sets me apart from anyone else, and frankly, that scares me.....and the worst part is is that I don't really know why...........