jonze

Alright, so as per normal, Severus's journal got me thinking. Thinking about what it was like growing up, going to school, dealing with bullies and the popular kids and all that jazz. And well, I didn't really like my childhood...it was kinda rough, but not in a broken family kinda rough, or a constantly being picked on in school kinda rough....just a lonely kinda rough. I never really had many friends and no real close friends, just people who'd occasionally hang out with me but didn't really know me. I used to get picked on really early in school...bullies loved me cause i was the little nerdy kid with the fucked up name. And like anybody else, it hurt. But I was just a kid, and kids are always sensitive. It wasn't until a several years later (after high school) that I realized the most painful thing about those bullies wasn't when they were ridiculing me....it was when they stopped. At first it felt nice, not being picked on, but then I realized that instead they were just ignoring me, as if I didn't even exist. And it wasn't just the bullies, it was pretty much everybody, the popular kids, some of the other nerds, pretty much all the girls, everybody. It was like I was a non-entity. I mean, i had people that would talk to me, and people that were kinda my friends, but for the most part my childhood was me....just me.

My parents split when i was less than a year old and my mom didn't re-marry until I was 12 or 13, so the thought of siblings my age was pretty much non-exsistent. And we moved fairly often so my best friend was always some old sci-fi book. I dunno, I think that had a big part about my lack o' social skills. I mean, I can be really shy and I'm never really confident of anything especially when it has to do with women. I had bad self-esteem problems, probably still do, and while I guess nobody really told me I was ugly, they didn't really need to. Their silence was enough and I could fill in the details on my own. I know at least one person told me later that they thought I was the scariest person in the school and that freaked the shit out of me.

I dunno, I think if I had dated some in high school it would have helped me out a lot, but well, I've only had one girlfriend and she wasn't until just three years ago. Still haven't found another gf....nobody's crazy enough to date me I guess...anyways on to something lighter....




So the World Cup has been making me happy. Sweden vs. Paraguay was a great game with Sweden pulling through to win it right at the end. Fuckin' A Right! Angolia had a bit of an upset when they tied Mexico in a great performance, even though Mexico is widely considered to be a much better team. And then today was the biggest upset of all when Ghana stomped the Czech Republic in a 2-0 match. Ghana was totally on top of their game, while the Czechs were just playin' shitty soccer. And us, well, we pulled a draw 1-1 against Italy, which is alright but I really would've like the 3 points for a win I was pretty disappointed with Beasly...he got subbed in late in the second half and it looked like he'd been playin' the whole game, he was moving so slow....