Consider this me opening up to vent. Not that I really know what to write here...
Lately I feel myself slipping back into patterns of low self esteem. My levels of confidence are definitely better now than two years ago, I actually like who I am now. I struggle still with issues of self-image. I know I'm a large guy, and while I've been losing weight (slowly) and changing my dietary habits not just for weight loss, but also just so I feel better by eating healthy, nutritional food I'm still struggling with things. I can look into a mirror and think I'm actually a pretty good looking guy; but I still notice how the opposite sex responds toward me in a general setting than they do to other guys.
It can be disconcerting, my mood is not nearly as influenced by female opinion as it once was, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to myself that I'm still affected by it.
I'm strong, so these recent feelings aren't going to defeat me, but they are still there and they linger, attacking at my sub-conscious, calling into doubt what I've sought to achieve for myself. I know that these are just my own personal demons that I'll have to overcome. I've learned to rely on my own opinion of myself rather than rely on the opinions of others to substantiate my self-worth. I think I'm probably still in a transitional phase for that.
Anyway, it's good to have a medium by which I can--basically--just talk to myself or just vent these things.
Ambition for November? To keep kicking ass and being awesome.
Lately I feel myself slipping back into patterns of low self esteem. My levels of confidence are definitely better now than two years ago, I actually like who I am now. I struggle still with issues of self-image. I know I'm a large guy, and while I've been losing weight (slowly) and changing my dietary habits not just for weight loss, but also just so I feel better by eating healthy, nutritional food I'm still struggling with things. I can look into a mirror and think I'm actually a pretty good looking guy; but I still notice how the opposite sex responds toward me in a general setting than they do to other guys.
It can be disconcerting, my mood is not nearly as influenced by female opinion as it once was, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to myself that I'm still affected by it.
I'm strong, so these recent feelings aren't going to defeat me, but they are still there and they linger, attacking at my sub-conscious, calling into doubt what I've sought to achieve for myself. I know that these are just my own personal demons that I'll have to overcome. I've learned to rely on my own opinion of myself rather than rely on the opinions of others to substantiate my self-worth. I think I'm probably still in a transitional phase for that.
Anyway, it's good to have a medium by which I can--basically--just talk to myself or just vent these things.
Ambition for November? To keep kicking ass and being awesome.