jonnyeffinb

So like the last few days have been a total....oh what's the word...I don't even know. I'm confused, emotionally insane, angry at myself, slipping between depression and anger. Luckily I've had a friend who's been there for me the last couple days, she's been amazing.

But the last couple days has also reminded me that as much growth and confidence I've gained over the last year or so, I still struggle with a lot of the same insecurities as I always have. The hardest part about having these insecurities is that they tend to surface at the most inopportune moments, and they are parts of me that I really don't like people, at least members of the opposite sex, see. Old experiences can cloud my thinking: panic, worry, self-doubt begin to fester. A part of me really does want to be so brutally naked and honest with a woman and for her to still love me even with those unsavory parts of me; but I also know better than to let my guard down too easily. I'm what society labels a "nice guy", and most of us "nice guys" are pretty fragile creatures, I actually think most of us men are way more fragile than we'd ever like to admit.

Anyway, this beer is now empty, and my bladder is now full. Which means this ends today's segment of Jon: The Untold Story, Part Deux.