:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: VENT, RANT, TIRADE :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
So I have the unenviable position of still being in love with my ex. I feel i made a mistake breaking up with her and last night we had a major blow out, and are no longer talking (her decision). Now keep in mind for the last 3 years i did nothing but love care and nurture her, in every imaginable way... yet for some reason, i am no longer good enough.
Lets start from the beginning, her name is Dallas and her and i dated for 3 years. She broke up with me 3 times in those 3 years, once because she said i wasnt putting enough into the relationship ( when we first started dating she lived 2 1/2 hours away, and i would drive to see her nearly every week) the second because we didnt do well living together, and the third... get this.... because she "loved me, but wasn't in love with me"... no bullshit those exact words. The third breakup, she said she didnt love me anymore and never would love me again. I finally started to mend my wounds and then we started dating again. Apparently NEVER isn't a very long time to her. After all of these break ups, i get back with her... every time.
Fast forward to the present. We have lived together twice, neither time worked out too well. Now keep in mind i pay the rent and all of the bills, always have, she spends her paychecks on whatever.... but not bills. I put up with this, and dont ask for money because she was my girlfriend not my room mate. After i while i began to resent her for it and asked that she start contributing.... then we fought. We resolved it, but still no contribution. After a while the things she had done to me in the past, and the current peeves were starting to eat at me, and i told her i think we need to change something. She moves 700 miles away. Pretty big change.
She is now back living with her mother in a one bedroom apartment, not working, and she said the reason she left was because she was tired of relying on me... SHE HAS NEVER GIVEN ME A LEGITIMATE REASON FOR ANYTHING SHE HAS EVER DONE TO ME.
So last night i am talking to her on the phone (we rarely talk anymore, per her request.. because it's "too hard" for HER) and i mention that i bought her a sticker at the concert i went to and she blew up. Out of nowhere, totally unexpected. And it boiled down to i don't want you in my life anymore, i want to start a new, i don't want to talk to you anymore. All the while being very rude and insensitive, and just like the chicken shit i have always been with her, i take it. I agree to not talk to her anymore wish her the best, all the happiness in the world, and say goodbye with a tear rolling down my face.
I have never loved anyone the way i love her, and i cringe at the thought of my life without her. For what? I dont understand why i cant get away from her, i know i deserve better, but i just love her. But thats all going to change... it has to
SOMEONE PLEASE.... save me from myself
rydell:
Love is a tricky thing...it is hard to give up someone u love....but sometimes it is the best thing u can do for your and them. People come in and out of our lives for a reason....we learn something from every soul that touches us...maybe you 2 just had not finished learning what u had to.....in the end her lesson may be lose...once you have moved on and found a happier life with a girl and settle down she may realize what she had and u will no longer be there.