So, I think I've decided to give up on dating all together. I just feel kind of blah about it as of late. I find that I hardly have any real time to put forth an honest to goodness effort between my hectic work schedule and my time with my daughter. When I do have time I kind of want to be with someone (I suppose I get lonely), but that time is so fleeting for me I hardly feel it's worth it.
I think my biggest thing is that I see so many people doing things with their lives right now, being grown ups, being happy, and it seems like there is always some significant other by their by their side. It's like I've connected happiness with having a girlfriend... how fucked up is that? What's even more fucked up is that I equate normality with having a girlfriend/ significant other. I seem to want a girlfriend to feel normal, to show my daughter that I am normal, so that she sees me as this stand-up fatherly figure with everything straightened away and under control. Right now that feels kind of stupid.
Another issue I've been having is that the girls I am dating don't seem to be up to snuff for me. I know I shouldn't be overly picky, but none of the girls I have dated have really given me that feeling, y'know? That feeling of butterflies and all that lovey-dovey hippy bullshit. And this is where asshole Jondre comes into play and starts fucking with the girls and the relationship in general. Over the past three years I've screwed up so many relationships that maybe I don't even deserve to have a good one right now. Karma's a bitch.
So maybe I'll start focusing on myself and my daughter for now. I just hate the feeling of being alone. Meh.
P.S. Sorry for all these depressing, complaining, shitty blog posts. I just don't think I have anyone I can actually say this stuff to in the really, real world, so I use this blog as my venting space. Also, sorry for this nasty mess of grammar that I've just assaulted your eyes with. Any of you who actually made it through its a gold star, I promise.
Peace, Love, and Death Metal,
Jondre
I think my biggest thing is that I see so many people doing things with their lives right now, being grown ups, being happy, and it seems like there is always some significant other by their by their side. It's like I've connected happiness with having a girlfriend... how fucked up is that? What's even more fucked up is that I equate normality with having a girlfriend/ significant other. I seem to want a girlfriend to feel normal, to show my daughter that I am normal, so that she sees me as this stand-up fatherly figure with everything straightened away and under control. Right now that feels kind of stupid.
Another issue I've been having is that the girls I am dating don't seem to be up to snuff for me. I know I shouldn't be overly picky, but none of the girls I have dated have really given me that feeling, y'know? That feeling of butterflies and all that lovey-dovey hippy bullshit. And this is where asshole Jondre comes into play and starts fucking with the girls and the relationship in general. Over the past three years I've screwed up so many relationships that maybe I don't even deserve to have a good one right now. Karma's a bitch.
So maybe I'll start focusing on myself and my daughter for now. I just hate the feeling of being alone. Meh.
P.S. Sorry for all these depressing, complaining, shitty blog posts. I just don't think I have anyone I can actually say this stuff to in the really, real world, so I use this blog as my venting space. Also, sorry for this nasty mess of grammar that I've just assaulted your eyes with. Any of you who actually made it through its a gold star, I promise.
Peace, Love, and Death Metal,
Jondre
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I just feel shitty dating I just cancelled my date for tonight so I feel even worse. Bah!