Don't ever crack open a freezer door if there is a straight-edge kid leaning against it. They may have stupid-loooking hair and a chip on their shoulder, and may try and start a physical altercation, instead of simply saying, "Excuse me," and moving away from the freezer and continuing whatever conversation they were involved in.
Afterwards, and later on, the aforementioned straight-edger may notice you glance sideways at them, and follow you on the porch, where you're calmly enjoying a drink and a cigarette. They may deteriorate mentally to a "thug gangsta" mindset and start saying phrases like, "Muthaf-er, muthaf-er, whoop yo ass, muthaf-er, skinhead punk-ass, muthaf-er, Jay-Z, P-Diddy, Ja Rule, WUT!, muthaf-er, knowwhatIsayin?!" while they make a show of trying to come forcibly at you, held back by their friends.
At this point, you may be tempted to get out of your chair and come across the table to beat the living piss out of this person. Instead, it's much better to not lift a finger, except to crush the full beverage can in your grasp until the aluminum rips both itself and your hand open, spilling cold beverage all over your pants while the straight-edger continues ranting and by this time has somehow taken their shirt off.
At times like this, the situation can get even worse. Even though you have yet to say a word, and are just trying to enjoy your cigarette while you wait for the antagonist to calm down, you may be struck in the head with an empty glass bottle. By this time, your self-control will be stretched to the breaking point, and you will have to start looking for ways to continue staying non-violent. One way is to remember your surroundings; if you're in the dwelling of friends you respect, it becomes easier to continue controlling yourself, for example.
After a few moments the anatagonist should calm down enough for his/her companions to take him/her outside, where they can safely congratulate the straight-edge person for being the most badass person at the party. Then, hopefully, they will all get in their vehicles, listen to Throwdown at full volume, and will be involved in a fiery car crash while singing along.
Where will you be? Still at the party, enjoying a new beverage and lighting up a fresh cigarette. You will look and act pissed off, and fellow party-goers may start acting weird around you, but it will be worth making the straight-edge kid look really stupid.
Afterwards, and later on, the aforementioned straight-edger may notice you glance sideways at them, and follow you on the porch, where you're calmly enjoying a drink and a cigarette. They may deteriorate mentally to a "thug gangsta" mindset and start saying phrases like, "Muthaf-er, muthaf-er, whoop yo ass, muthaf-er, skinhead punk-ass, muthaf-er, Jay-Z, P-Diddy, Ja Rule, WUT!, muthaf-er, knowwhatIsayin?!" while they make a show of trying to come forcibly at you, held back by their friends.
At this point, you may be tempted to get out of your chair and come across the table to beat the living piss out of this person. Instead, it's much better to not lift a finger, except to crush the full beverage can in your grasp until the aluminum rips both itself and your hand open, spilling cold beverage all over your pants while the straight-edger continues ranting and by this time has somehow taken their shirt off.
At times like this, the situation can get even worse. Even though you have yet to say a word, and are just trying to enjoy your cigarette while you wait for the antagonist to calm down, you may be struck in the head with an empty glass bottle. By this time, your self-control will be stretched to the breaking point, and you will have to start looking for ways to continue staying non-violent. One way is to remember your surroundings; if you're in the dwelling of friends you respect, it becomes easier to continue controlling yourself, for example.
After a few moments the anatagonist should calm down enough for his/her companions to take him/her outside, where they can safely congratulate the straight-edge person for being the most badass person at the party. Then, hopefully, they will all get in their vehicles, listen to Throwdown at full volume, and will be involved in a fiery car crash while singing along.
Where will you be? Still at the party, enjoying a new beverage and lighting up a fresh cigarette. You will look and act pissed off, and fellow party-goers may start acting weird around you, but it will be worth making the straight-edge kid look really stupid.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
sharonlove:
Whoa man! Encounters such as that are priceless! All I could think about after reading this was "You're poor hand!"
birdie_:
You should have pissed him off by double fisting the bears and cigarettes. That's what I might have done. If I was as cool as you.