jokerz4fun

We tend to look for closure in many aspects of our lives. Last night I thought I would reach that point from a past relationship. By the end of the night I would be farther from that point then ever.



Last night an old flame and I went out to dinner. For what we thought would be some good times. Well the conversation soon turned to our past. Hey no big deal, I thought this would be great. Talking would put my mind at ease about a lot of things I've been dwelling on. I soon discovered that I wasn't the only one who had these lingering feelings. As we exchanged stories and points of view, it became clear that we had many chances to still be together. But due to lack of confidence, drive, and self doubt we never took that one step, that leap of faith. And as she kept telling me these close calls my heart sank and I often found myself going numb. Not sure what to say, what to do, or how to react. The biggest challenge for me was fighting the urge to take her into my arms and tell her everything would be ok, we would somehow work through these ruff seas. But I can no longer act on the urges that used to guide my heart. For now I have to stand down and offer support in other ways, ways that are unknown to me, ways that I'm not used to taking with her.



Now I'm two steps back from where I started. Although I'm relieved for having the conversation with her., I'm also troubled for knowing what has been said. I don't know what to do or what will come of this. I just hope that the future holds great things for us. And if it doesnt I still have one great thing and that is our friendship.