The 2008 Darwin Awards
Yes, it's that magical time of year again.
When the Darwin Awards are bestowed,
honoring the least evolved among us.
Here are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to
fire at his intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach, California,
would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the
trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a
finger in a meat-cutting machine and,
after a little shopping around, submitted
a claim to his insurance company. The
company expecting negligence sent out
one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to
clear a space for his car during a blizzard in
Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
woman had taken the space. Understandably,
he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop
and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and
prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering
from serious head wounds received from an oncoming
train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before
he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill
on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk
opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and
asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the
clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The
total amount of cash he got from the drawer...
$15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through
a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So
he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit
the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience
store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk
called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They
put him in the car and drove back to the store. The
thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer,
that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan,
at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The
clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When
the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor
home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than
he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a
very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the
man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged
his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank
by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
*** Remember... They walk among us!!! ***
