johnnytrance

So my job isn't good enough for the Army anymore because they were selling off the thing you do. So I get sent right out of my new unit to go TDY to Arizona. ROAD TRIP! When was the last time you went out and just drove around till you couldn't drive anymore? Well I took the road trip from San Antonio, TX to Huachuca, Arizona a few weeks ago during the Memorial Day Weekend. It started with me waking up in a strange hotel down in San Ann, with the ghosts of last night's Hell Camino's concert flashing in and out in long, wide pulses of debauchery. I made out like a prom queen with the lacrosse team and headed out toward the wily back roads of Texas. The first highway I hit was the TX-29 which should be re-named Roadkill Runway. There was a new dead animal every few miles down the road, it felt I was in the middle of a minefield, every time I dodge one, a new one comes outta thin air. I then cross over on to the US 377 which was almost as bad cause cows, goats ,pigs, ???, whatever just shit all over the The junction was the worse cause it was just all mixed together. UHG! I try to get to the I-90 as soon as possible. Well I'm into the the 3rd hour of my road trip when sneaky Jager from last night blasts me outta nowhere and I feel like my spinning. Luckily here was a rest stop 2 miles away so I drive as safely as I can and pull over. I get out and sit on one of the dilapidated tables and try to wish that the last free Jagerbomb that the bartender gave me never existed. I rest, not sleep, lying my head on the table when I hear a couple behind me. "Excuse me, but how can we get to the 377?" I lift my leaking brain and spin around to see a couple of nudists. Yes, I mean NUDE! I thought that they didn't go out within society without wearing appeal. I was wrong, so I twist away give the most half-assed directions that can come up with and the man get pissed because I will not face them while I am talking to them. His girl tries to calm him down but it's not really working. He tells me that he has the right to not wear clothes if he wants to and he should be treated like a human being. I tell his hypocritical ass that I also have rights and I have the right not to look at your horrible hairy ass that put my hair to shame. He gives off a big huff and storms back his car and they leave. I think to myself, the worse is over for the trip.

To be Continued....