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johnnytailback

Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK

Member Since 2005

Followers 20 Following 56

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Monday Jan 30, 2006

Jan 30, 2006
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Im in getting into a girl. Someone who wants to be made more than she is. What do we call it? An Alice complex? Peter Pan syndrome? If ever Im pretty sure the reason Im rapt by her is because she wanted someone to save her. Im sure that this wont happen.

She thinks people are like butterflies, changing from something simple into something complicated and beautiful. I think everyone would be the sheets of ice you find over frozen puddles. When I was younger, wed find the vast marshlands of the playground frozen over on cold mornings. Wed stomp on the thin ice and pick up weighty sheets of it with our bare hands. Transparent, fragile, ephemeral. Wed bugger about and wait for our hands to melt through or for the uprooted continent to collapse by its own weight. See, we fade always slowly or we crack from the pressure. Now, I dont bother myself with dirty ice over muddy water. I notice it in the street, but it doesnt mean anything to me.

She thinks we live to so that we can be remembered as something greater, I dont want to be remember at all. Shes a We live and we die, but the journey in-between is what makes us different. Im a We live and we die. In between, we work to fulfill our needs, and we amuse ourselves.

This is the saddest fact of existence. Its an outlandish concept to me when people can go about as if they dont notice it. But thus are human things. Of course the way I was raised definitely affects the way I see things. For one, one believes in God or dies of despair. Or both. Catholics are mourners by nature. We have no real future. It is very sad. If I could get my Head-in-the-grey-clouds bit to talk to her The-best-things-live-in-my-head bit, I could probably fake it, but our bits don't want to talk to each other.

This is why I hate American Cities.
I hate them because it is a city not designed for humans. It is designed for cars. Humans not required. The humans that do live here are like robots, with their personal forcefield set permanently to repel all emotion and camaraderie As they cavorting on the highways of a city where humans were never ever meant to be.

I also hate cities because they are never really a city. It's six or seven cities stuck together by seventy five thousand miles of road that people drive to in the morning and utterly abandon at night. People never get close to one another, because talking in a postmodern world is not something the cool kids do. Never get a good-looking bird on your arm that way. Unless you go wireless. Why do people look at you as if your about to attack when you say hello.

Im having a cigarette after dinner.

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