johnnyfive

i heard a funny joke today:
what's the hardest thing about rollerblading?
telling your parents you're gay.

okay, so i visited the future and i found out that hardcore porn is better than softcore porn. but it all starts with my new cat, sccks. i was calling her that until i visited the future and she told me her name was actually "boo!", so i corrected myself. i pondered this as i ate my cereal and milk bar and drank my carbofluid....
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enter: socks. my new kitten. she's joing the j-five family of myself and the toby (aka. tobster, toblerone, tobius, t-noole). a tiny, black-and-white-tuxedoed kitty, socks, was rescued from her feral lifestyle and will now reside in the luxurious basement of the aforementioned family. she's going to be called socks because her teeny-weeny paws are white like lil' socks. i feel like a new dad. i'm...
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i'm channel surfing today and i end up on abcfamily station watching the olsen twins' movie "billboard dad". a friend and i sat through the entire moving out of some type of morbid fascination. i realized, after noticing that this "children's film" is steeped in sexual innuendo, that our youth, espcecially girls are marketed as sex symbols. quite disgusting.

i just read in the new york times that the govt. is suggesting citizens to give their dogs and cats smallpox vaccinations to prevent the spread of monkeypox. what the hell is a pox? and why are there only monkey and chickenpox? what about lemurpox or ferretpox? or in austrailia do they have platypuspox?
i do like the way "monkeypox" sounds when you say it....
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wow. we killed about as many iraqis as there were dead americans at the world trade center attacks. eye for an eye, just like the bible. and we've got a jackass for president that is leading us arrogantly into a new age crusade against a ruthless leader and his regime. and now they can't find those weapons of mass destruction that dubya and blair kept...
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it's amazing to see how cheap dvd's are now. i remember when they first came out, i worked at a video store and we paid nearly fifty bucks wholesale. now most are twenty bucks and they have a lot of shit on them, some good, some worthless. so now that they are marketed "reasonably" priced, they sell like crazy. even mongoloid chains like best buy...
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i am plagued. it started a year ago with a snake in my bathroom. i thought that was pretty weird. then i had ants in my bed, but they went away, too. and i know kim and fergul from ireland will not forget me running up the stairs wet and naked screaming something about spiders in the bathroom. sure they were tiny, chigger-sized spiders, but...
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humidity. it permeates the air making it almost edible. walking through it feels like mist, but heavier. nature's napalm. making me sweat constantly. getting so hot that i can feel my heartbeat throughout my entire i body and my veins are throbbing. i feel like what i imagine pure energy to feel like. then to lay in the damp sheets of a bed that i...
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life is different than i expected. the song that plays in my head is still the same song, but longer; full of sorrow and drowned screams at this point. hollow souls shelter my own lost self, singing it's familiar song. it keeps playing, i keep living.
"so i'm at this nice breakfast place with my girl and i have to take a huge shit."
"man."...
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