johnnyfive

i am plagued. it started a year ago with a snake in my bathroom. i thought that was pretty weird. then i had ants in my bed, but they went away, too. and i know kim and fergul from ireland will not forget me running up the stairs wet and naked screaming something about spiders in the bathroom. sure they were tiny, chigger-sized spiders, but there were hundreds of them. hundreds! they made a flaxen canopy above my head and dribbled onto my naked flesh as i sat on the john. and quite literally scared the shit out of me. so this year's had roaches, earwigs, and of course snakes. three snakes to be precise, and i found them in my bed. the latest unwelcome visitor is a worm. and it's family. about six or seven of 'em wigglin' around on my tile floor after a heavy rain. and the weirdest thing is that it doesn't even phase me anymore. i mean, i could find a fucking plague of locust and i'd just think, 'hmpf. guess i'll have to sleep with the earplugs tonight."
that's right. i sleep with earplugs so i don't get earwigs in my ear like in Star Trek II: the Wrath of Khan. fuck that shit. i do worry about my nostrils and other orfices, but who's ever heard of a nosewig?
two words: bunk beds. then i'll feel better about the whole i-live-in-close-contact-with-nature-and-don't-care thing.
i got the new eels album, "shootenanny" and it's okay. i like them, but it's funny, i listen to their stuff and thing, "i don't like this kinda stuff, but this stuff is okay for this kinda stuff." i think i'm just a sucker for "beautiful freak".