jogu

Polaroids

Once upon a time when I was younger I exhibited an anti-authoritarian attitude, an aimless teenager, a rebel without a cause who leaned towards anarchistic views of the world; I had lofty ambitions to be a misfit and to topple fascist regimes.

I had been an avid reader of articles decrying the social injustices of the world & left-wing authors who espoused similar political views to mine.

I was a bleeding-heart socialist punk with suicidal tendencies & no real goals in life but to contribute as little as possible to societeh. Just because. Then I got a job... I don't remember much else from those days but I do remember a night where things really boiled over and my parents had enough.

My mum asked me, with a look that said she'd lost all hope in ever trying to fix things, 'What are you rebelling against?' finally sighing.

I said averting my eyes and taking a drag on a cigarette, 'Whada ya got that's easy... and won't take too much effort?'

Things don't always go according to plan.

Last month I enrolled in a uni course. Criminology. Yes, I am studying how to battle crime and improve our societeh. I hope to either join the Investigative branch of Federal Police or apply for a DOJ position.

I've been thinking, whenever I get the time to, recently that I may have been heading towards this point all my life and never knew it. I am becoming normal. I have never ever wanted to be normal. Wouldn't know how to be. I don't even know what it means. Friends ask, 'But what is normal?'

I say 'I dunno'.

Then I think maybe I'm going backwards. That is, we are all born evil war-mongers with black eyeballs and no soul, then as we grow and experience life we become more 'mellow' as we realise there are so many possibilities and explore issues outside of our immediate comfort zone.

O I have decided I could be taking polaroids instead of breathing, so I am aiming for at least one a day.

That is how I started this blog, anyway.

j