joemfkool

i don't post here and it doesn't matter because most don't read it when i do. i've thought about this alot before, but i don't feel that i really fit in here. i'm somewhere between the young crowd(early 20s) and the geezers(near 40). it's odd and normal at the same time. i don't really fit in anywhere. work. here. family. friends. i know alot of it is my outlook on people(pessimist and misanthrope), and that i'm a heavier guy(near 300lbs), long hair(past the middle of my back), bearded, tattooed, metal head, single, no kids, over 30 and single(no prospect of a relationship). i'm not happy about being lonely, but i'm used to it. it's hard to find someone near my age and mentality who doesn't have kids. who can take care of their self. who isn't into partying every weekend. i know that i'll continue on this path, alone and i will keep losing friends as i go. be it to relationships or death. i've contemplation suicide frequently and i've had friends and family fear for my safety but i'll never go that way. honestly, i'm too afraid of dying to go that route. so i'll keep on keepin on and probably die early, alone, of some health problem that won't be a surprise to anyone. but for now, i'm gonna have a drink, sit here and listen to some music and dread another week of work and fake smiles.