joemfkool

ah, first post of the new year. well, i'm 1 week in. things are already interesting. an old friend found me online, on another site. we've been talking. she's come and gone from my life a few times. we dated YEARS ago and she moved away abruptly. kinda weird. a few years later, she found me and we started talking again. by that time, she had had a kid and was in a shitty relationship. now, she's had another kid, by the same father as the first one and some how found me again. it seems almost as though she finds me when she's having a shitty time to make her feel better. she knows i care about her. i'm just not sure how she truly feels about me. we hung out for the first time in probably over 5 years monday night. i got off work early and told her that if she needed to get away, i'd be home. i was just gonna chill at the house and watch some movies. it was my frist day back from vegas and i was exhausted. she came over, we watched Inglorious Bastards & Sherlock Holmes. after she got up to get another beer, she came back sitting closer and closer to me and eventually putting her head on my shoulder. she had talked about driving home, but later said something about staying the night. i told her, do what ever. she had about an hour drive home. as i'm laying in bed, she moves closer and closer. eventually putting her head on my chest. i know where this is going. i'm somewhat uncomfortable with it.

my mind is a mess. over the past few years, i've had one disastrous relationship after a another. i've basically convinced myself that nothing will ever work out. i'm not gonna go into all the details, but i've pretty much damaged myself.

again, not going into all the details of the night, but the next day, she went to leave and she had a flat tire. awesome. the nice car jacks that i have in the garage have gone to shit. i had to use the piece of shit jack that came with the car and that was SO much fun at 9am in about 20 degree weather with 20mph winds. she took off after a hug and i went inside to take a shower and reflect on what i thought i should have done the night before. second guessing most of the evening.