jodi_marie

I dont know what to say. But I don't want that shit up on my page anymore. Yes I still feel that way, but looking at it pains me just as much as the fact that I wrote it.

Getting through each day. I don't know how but i'm trying. I have my first bio midterm tommorow and I really don't think i'm going to do well. I try and study but like today, everytime I try I just space out. I have a very short attention span lately. I can't concentrate, and it really doesn't help that this is a subject that i'm bad at. I can't even enjoy it and that makes it even worse.

My body is physically dying. I ache everywhere. My head, my back, my legs, my stomach, my neck my hand, my arms. My whole body is just one big ache. Its driving me crazy. I just want to feel good for once. I want all my aches and pains to go away. I want my emotions to be on a stable plain. I want to go one day without crying. Granted I feel better than I have...about a certain situation anyhow.

But I'm still just in this depression, that doesn't seem to go away, and while i've been this down before, it just seems worse this time for some reason. Who knows, I see my doc. on thursday and I have to tell him something that i've wanted avoid but, I know that I have to, and more importantly I made a promise to someone, and i'm not going to break that promise. I'm determined. I just need sleep I think. Goodnight