jnthn

I wondered what prompted the purring. The summer I drove myself wild, feeling that feeling, wanting, thinking I'd broken the spell, finally, C was gone from me and I was filled with this new visitor. My dark and lovely accomplice from across the room, who'd flit from table to table, I'd smile her way all day unknowingly, reflex...nother coast and a dark night in a shack in the back yard, I lost my composure. I left a madman. And took a while to come back down.

And then this sound washing through the handset, through miles and satellites, hot and slow, and saying things about plans, about coming back east to make music and make love. When did this start happening? Is this karma? I don't know...I don't know I don't know.

I know sending out flirt signals in 20 million different directions is fun, keeps you sane at night, keeps you happy. Flirting, crushes, etc. Should I feel guilty for having an open mind? I do.

But then there's somone who time and fate keeps at a distance...she's on my mind. More than I think I'd like her to be. I really can't tell why...I'm drawn in like a moth. but the light is bright, i'm far, far away.
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new york is over soon. I'm sure I'll be back in 2 seconds, but I'm mentally packing, considering this lunch date with another person whose photography I'm fairly fanboyish about. Been trying to go beyond emails forever, since I'm here a billion fucking times a year. I realized last night I can move in ways through this town I never imagined. Last night I had no intentions other than going to a show I said I'd do sound for (but bailed on that cause I wanted to sleep), take a xanax and have a whiskey and be numb. had fun, realized I danced more than most new yorkers at the show (not that kinda crowd? I was barely moving!) and found myself talking to a friend who manages a band you've seen on MTV that I'd LOVE to work for -- she was hearing me out, I don't know why I was even going there, but then, turn right and there's one of the heads of this label I've dealt with only through faxes and 2 phone calls. she's all smiley and, I can't tell, I think she's got that semi-gloss on her eyes and seems to be examining me maybe she's looking. I just found myself, after emptying my account last week and getting "the letters" from the bills, I was working on some sort of survival job-security thing. And it seeme to be working. Move on move forward move upward.

now I get why my friends who move to new york get that crazy look in their eyes and talk more about what they're doing than who they are, what's important. it's the self-reassurance mantra, "I'm working on this thing with so and so, and he's really hot right now, and then I've got this thing over here happening that might go down this what's his name I think my do something...."

I love it here. I wanna marry New York and fuck around a lot on her. I hear she gives it out to all the graffiti guys.