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jnthn

honolulu

Member Since 2002

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Tuesday May 27, 2003

May 27, 2003
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last night was overwhelming.
it's funny how you can go a long time, working your ass off, which I love anyway, and not really feeling like you've made a difference -- even though people throw you compliments, maybe even genuinely -- but you never really feel like you've reached your mark. reached it even in the short term.

and then you have a night like last night.

I've recorded a bunch of bands since I started this thing in high school. some sessions don't stick out in my mind, even though I rarely work with people I don't have some connection to, even if it's made during the session.

this band played who I recorded in 1999 while they were moving from boston to la via DC. I knew 3 of them before the session. it was hell in that they were really on edge having uprooted their life and were heading to LA amidst all of this turmoil, and trying to make a record on top of that. I was in the middle of some shit as I had just started what would be a 3 year relationship with a woman who was married at the time and I was feeling the burn of how difficult it would be.

so time went by, I put the record out of my head. they went to LA did their thing, did well for themselves. I've done well for myself and here they are in front of me 4 years later.

they threw crazy love at me for, I guess just being there for them and making a record they really liked. we never mixed it, all they had were my rough mixes on tape, which is what they ended up releasing cause they couldn't recreate it.

so I don't really know how to take it. it makes you feel vulnerable to open the metal gates and take in so much drunk love. it was fucking hell making that record for all of us. I just didn't want to go there. hearing those songs put a rush of heat in my head and I felt defeated in a great way. closure -- thinking about my old relationship, not closure for the band. some people hate that word. I think it's a valid notion.

the studio is basically just a box where you are safe to release your shit and hopefully it's the shit you intend to keep on the tape. sometimes you release all of it at once, though.
--------
man comes up to us while we sat and drank coffee.
"cigarette?cigarette?cigarette?cigarette?cigarette?" rapid-fire.

my friend was waiting to see how many times he could say cigarette. I asked him how many he was trying to get.

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