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jlevi

Bellingham

Member Since 2007

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Tuesday Dec 23, 2008

Dec 22, 2008
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December 25th celebrates the day that Jesus went into a bar and found a very large man picking fights with people. This man went by the name Santos-Cruz. He was known for his technique known as "The Chimney". This entailed taking his recently defeated foe by the neck, and cramming whatever object was near, down the throat of said foe.

Jesus saw much potential in this fighter so he propositioned him to a battle. Jesus was nearly overwhelmed several times by Santos-Cruz, but in the end, he used his most powerful technique, which made one punch strike with the strength of a hundred fists.

Santos-Cruz was shocked. He had never been defeated before. So he went on to be the apprentice of Jesus. After many years Santos-Cruz traveled all over the world with Jesus, learning many different fighting techniques. In what is now known as Germany, he gained the title Santa Claus, due to his defeat of Hitler in 1884.

Santa Claus did not understand his master's goals though. He had trained with him for years. His dark beard becoming grey with age, and his once fit body now slowing with the weight of many meals. Jesus now revealed his intentions for Santa: To fight Satan with him.

1000 Previous to Jesus finding Santa, Satan had defeated Jesus's sensei, Andrew Jackson. Jesus swore that he would bring Satan to justice, and rid the world of his evil.

Jesus knew where to find Satan: in the center of Pangea. With Santa at his side, Jesus was confident that the both of them would make quick work of Satan.

The battle went on for days. All three showing great skill and tact in their fighting, and fighting through many injuries. Finally, on the seventh day, Jesus was struck down by Satan, using the Five-Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique, that he learned from Uma Therman.

Enraged at the sight of his master's death, Santa summoned a power he did not know he had within himself. His fists became ice, his breath a freezing chill, his attacks themselves became the technique known as: The One-Hundred Fist North Pole Punch!

With this attack, Satan was frozen in place. His evil could not be destroyed, and it would always manage to find a new host. So with the Justice League, Santa took Satan to the point of greatest good: The Lincoln Monument. That is where Satan now rests in his icy chamber.

Santa still lives, as part of his deal with Kurt Kolbain, and delivers presents every year to children who cannot become fighters and must settle for less glorious positions in life, and a magical coal to those destined to protect the Earth.

Not long after the battle, he wrote the Bible, which contained many hidden secrets and could be seen as a guide to learning the techniques only spoken of now, that were used by Jesus and Santa in that fateful battle.
fallenglory:
excellent. i'd watch that story of christmas smile
Dec 22, 2008

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