jjay

It is funny how something as small as a paper cut can grow and fester into an oozing pussing wound. Its even funnier how you can grow accustomed to its pain like it was always there and you never knew anything else. It gives you comfort and you relish in it because its yours. And you know what is even more hilarious? How when the wound finally scabs over you pick and scratch at it letting the blood flow. It itches I know, but its just a self reminder. You turn it into a scar, a badge of your pain, of your trials. It is who you are. The boy scouts aint got one for that yet. Than one day you wake up and the scar is gone. It faded slowly and you didnt even notice. You feel sad and miss your sweet little button of pain. Its like your favorite stuffed animal as a kid. It was something you needed, training wheels teaching you how to perceive and feel. Nostalgia and thicker skin are the only reminders and they are all you need because its time to move on. There are plenty of other scars to be made, each one adding to your story. Most of my scars have faded but there are those that will always remain. Deep chemical burns into the brain in which no amount of sex, drugs, or rock n roll can fix. But its okay because just like those temporary scars these are symbols of yourself and you wouldnt be the same with out them. There is good in everything.

Heading to San Diego for a wedding. Im going to be freaking out Friday night. Old friends getting hitched makes me feels unproductive. Like what the hell have I been doin the last five years? Too much sex, drugs and rock n roll I guess, trying to numb some of those chemical burns.

Welp we shall see maybe I can find someone to help me forget.