jjay

I need to borrow a sledgehammer and a shovel, its time to renovate. Maybe make some room for others, let them sit and stay a while. Its been too long since I've had a visitor. I put a padlock on the door with a sign that read "Trespassers will be shot" Closed it up and forgot, lost the key. Some people are happier alone. No awkward silence and no pretending to care. No confused moments of not knowing how to act or what to say. No chance for abandonment or mental fuck overs. No wasting your time wondering what others think or how they feel. No dishes to wash except you own. Yes being alone is better for some...or at least for a time. There are those though, who cannot function with out others, whose main purpose in this world is the fulfillment of a relationship. I know plenty of these relationship whores, who lose themselves in the unit and become shells of their past individuality, traveling from one person to the next seeking comfort. They change personalities quicker than undies, dude, adapting to their new environment. Do not confuse them with their cousins, the Lifers. These people are like World War II Marines jumpin from relationship to relationship constantly on the go. Their favorite music tends to be of the melodramatic sappy variety, full of all the whines and wails of a classic boys 2 men album. But when asked about their happiness, they always tell you they are happiest when with someone. I believe they are telling the truth and that there might be some wisdom in what they do but I cant rock the style. Aint no one dangling from these arms. This sort of stuff gets much attention around the family dinner table. How about a side of do you have a girlfriend? with your pot roast? It really never fails. They really shouldnt worry themselves over the trite. But they do and Im forced to go through the interrogation. You know, it might just be easier to find someone than to go through those scripted conversations. They are draining and make me feel like a robot. Go through the motions. And they wonder why I only visit during holidays. Incidents like this drive me into a cave. It is the monotony and painful awkwardness of these moments that ironically enough, push me further and further to the edge. Standing with one foot on the plain of societal acceptance and the other flailing over the edge while staring down with curious infatuation into a void of welcoming uncertainty. But of course I never go over the edge. Once you make the leap you can never go back. I knew a kid that did it, came back speaking gibberish and drooling on himself. But man what a ride that must have been. Freedom. That is what he had during that decent and not the Yankee Doodle Star Spangled crap you get spoon fed to you. Im talking about real freedom. The freedom of a moment, not caring or knowing just being, thats what the leap is. Maybe thats the appeal of new relationships. Unknown possibility. Perhaps thats why relationship whores do what they do. Every new one is kinda like a leap into that void. Sure its candy coated and spiced with superficiality but at least its a taste even if it last for no more than a few seconds. Ehh.this is too long. If you read this far I ask you why? Random thoughts in the brain of a child.

Pop the collar.