jimyb

Aha! Nearly 3 weeks of living on my own. Settling into my new and comfortable skin. I've been taking long drinks of thought about myself lately. What should I do with myself, my time.

I've been thinking of gauging my ears again. It's been 3 or 4 years since I last had them in, its just a normal earring in now. But I'm in a job that doesn't really restrict such things and I'm pretty comfortable about how I conduct myself anyway. Its just something to do to add some pizazz! JAZZ HANDS!

I need a haircut, but, I need a small mirror. I cut my own hair, Just a trim. I guess I can do that without another mirror.


All that stuff above this text, that's just ramblings. No, here comes the real issue: I have decided I have reached a point in my life right now, and its a positive, where I can say, no, I'm not ready to date again, but I am totally cool with meeting new people and getting to know them. And should something come of it, awesome. My friend's boyfriend is trying get this thing set up at their college and he told me I should come because there's someone who they think I could totally hit it off with.

Hit it off.

Odd phrase.

I'm up to it, but I feel like I could just end up bombing because I have that tendency to just make girls run away. Oh, maybe they stay but then we're just friends, so I add another to the list and that's okay. It's just, what is the expectation?

I'm seriously old fashioned. I grew up believing the guy must romance the gal and honor and protect her and treat her with respect. I'm a holding hands, let's go steady, wear my jacket and I'll buy you a milkshake kind of guy. The idea of putting it all up front and removing the chance of intimacy and romance almost terrifies me. Its a vulnerability I don't need to be burdened with at the moment. I think I'm still quite vulnerable and would be willing to escape into something to fill up a void.


I don't know. I'm just a dreamer.

Fuck, my words are sleepy.

Goodnight.