So I've been thinking about "self" publishing lately. Now that it's relatively cheap, at least that's the way it appears. And I've got this pornographic novel I recently finished. I've been writing for 50 years (actually 53) and I thought hey maybe it's time to see myself in print! You know, I could publish my Self.

So I googled everything and got into a dialog with a "publisher." At first they offered me the Emerald Package. Then I explained more to them what my concept was and they changed their suggestion to the Diamond Package. All they offer are packages. At the end the person (who was a real person, apparently, and seemed to understand me) allowed as how they might not be able to publish Me and probably I should get in touch with a "printer/bindery." This sounds really funky to me. You know, I've learned how to write, but I've never learned how to make books! That's where I went wrong. Instead of majoring in English Lit in college I should have fucking majored in binderies. Then I could fucking bind and print like crazy.

Well, maybe before I die I'll have my little boxed set of hundred page large print different colored volumes of my pornographic novel as I envision it printed and bound -- certainly not published. Or maybe I won't.

What started this whole rap was trying to add to a thread on being published in the writer group. The thread was about who has been published. So I tried to comment "What is published?"

System crashed.

So I backed away from the wreckage and then entered the fray once more and I tried to comment "I just tried to add a comment to this thread but the system crashed." But it crashed again!

Published? What is that? Except for a fucking system crash?