Been getting super stoned lately. On tobacco! Last weekend took a few puffs on a La Aurora Emerald Ecuador Edition stogey one night and went right down on my knees with my head out the door of my office/retreat (blessed to live in a super sweet corner of the jungle right here in Sonoma County) listening to the rain for an hour probably, tingling all over, feeling just enough like I was going to lose it to not take anything for granted.
Then last night after eating one of my baked butter cookies, sitting between our two Christmas trees (standard one for the North, and a Dieffenbachia we've had for a house plant for literally 40 years I decorated with blue lights and ornaments and a Virgin of Guadalupe candle burning beneath it for the South) in my rocking chair listening to Christmas music, surrounded by my family, Santa Maria came on so strong I couldn't even talk. All I could do was stretch my limbs and hope for the best while my heart pounded and the music kneaded my body like some weird psychedelic dough. Nobody noticed! Maybe an hour passed. Then I went upstairs and got into a hot bath while the rain poured down outside, submerged myself with my head floating and only my nose above water and tripped in the dark for who knows how long?
Maybe it's the time of year. Maybe it's ayahuasca. Seems like once you've taken ayahuasca Santa Maria can take you back again, put you back in that experience. And what am I getting from this I was wondering, sliding off of one bubble and onto another, out of control, directionless? Nothing! I'm not getting anything out of it! It's way beyond that.