Sometimes when you're in trouble, you get a tongue-lashing or you get chewed out. Strange how those are exciting things in bed, huh?
Growing up, I never thought I'd enjoy giving cunnilingus. Like it once, sure, but want to do it again? Dunno why but I thought not. Perhaps because I was educated by books and not a gracious partner.
However, turning a fiery bitch into a quivering mass of jello with my tongue -- well, that's a sense of power I like having over women sometimes. Especially since they KNOW they have that power over me the rest of the time.
Everyone knows a guy's reaction to fellatio. His eyes roll up in his head, his legs buckle, and his power of speech evaporates. But what about the mixed results of women who climax from getting eaten out? Probably the weirdest I've known is her getting a case of the tickle-giggles when just a moment before she was screaming for more.
Many people fuck instead of make love. I'm not there, sorry. I tease and prolong pleasure. Fuckers need to come right away, and I am just not wired to play that way. Maybe someday I'll be one who mixes it up and damages the drywall.
Growing up, I never thought I'd enjoy giving cunnilingus. Like it once, sure, but want to do it again? Dunno why but I thought not. Perhaps because I was educated by books and not a gracious partner.
However, turning a fiery bitch into a quivering mass of jello with my tongue -- well, that's a sense of power I like having over women sometimes. Especially since they KNOW they have that power over me the rest of the time.
Everyone knows a guy's reaction to fellatio. His eyes roll up in his head, his legs buckle, and his power of speech evaporates. But what about the mixed results of women who climax from getting eaten out? Probably the weirdest I've known is her getting a case of the tickle-giggles when just a moment before she was screaming for more.
Many people fuck instead of make love. I'm not there, sorry. I tease and prolong pleasure. Fuckers need to come right away, and I am just not wired to play that way. Maybe someday I'll be one who mixes it up and damages the drywall.
Dorian and I have been dating about 4 months now, monogamously. I live in his apartment now. We're all over each other all the time and we say we love each other and have all the drama emo moments and whatnot that come with love.
After I wrote that article, well poem, and started reflecting on my oral sex life, I realized... I go down on Dorian like.. almost every time we fool around.. sometimes we don't even have sex, I just give him head... he says it's the best he's ever had... he's gone down on me.. like.. twice.. in our entire relationship. To be honest I can only REMEMBER once, but because I'm sure it couldn't possibly only be once, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's gone down on me twice and I'm just forgetting one time.
I'm pretty sure it's not my personal taste. With all the times I've masturbated, and gotten curious about my taste, I've never felt that I tasted bad. I was usually pretty pleased, actually.
I know it's just oral sex, and it shouldn't affect my mood, really.
But it did.
I was depressed the rest of the night and continue to feel unattractive and unwanted this morning.
(He didn't go down on me last night either, but that wasn't so much a disappointment as it was foreseen.)
I just have to shake it, and come to conclusion that it's his problem and has nothing to do with me personally. But I'm not that kind of person. I'm highly sensitive, and self-important. So I can't stop feeling ugly and gross.
He knows something's wrong but I don't know how to bridge the topic, or if it's even worth bridging.
Fuck it.
Masturbation works.
You just have to learn your limitations with certain people, and what you can't expect from them, and not blame yourself.
But I blame myself anyway.
Because I'm not only ugly and gross, but stupid.
xip