A heads up to those who might not want to read about my twig and berries, this post is about my dick. Or, more to the point:
Manscaping.
Plenty of people extoll the virtues of a well trimmed bush, but not too many folks bring up the benefits of a man taking care of his business. I've recently took to the groundskeeping of my lawn and I can't say enough about it.
A. It increases my sensitivity downtown. No doubt, without the fur coat my bits and pieces feel waaay more than they used to.
B. Its only fair, if you want people spending time in that general area you should make sure they aren't getting hairs in their mouth.. I'm pretty sure Indiana Jones is the only person who wants to wade through a humid jungle to find the treasure. And the end result is also some of the softest skin on the human body this side of a newborns ass.
C. Aesthetics. I mean, it just looks fabulous. Like, porn star amazing. Its a wonder I haven't exposed myself just to show people how awesome my junk looks. Of course I'm still on probation so an indecency charge would net me way more trouble than its worth.. but I can tell, looking into its eye, that it wants to be shown off. haha. Plus, dimension wise, everything looks... bigger.
So sorry I had to go off here and post all about my nether reigons.. but I'm in the unique position to promote more manscaping, I guarantee you'll be please with the results..
I know I am!
Manscaping.
Plenty of people extoll the virtues of a well trimmed bush, but not too many folks bring up the benefits of a man taking care of his business. I've recently took to the groundskeeping of my lawn and I can't say enough about it.
A. It increases my sensitivity downtown. No doubt, without the fur coat my bits and pieces feel waaay more than they used to.
B. Its only fair, if you want people spending time in that general area you should make sure they aren't getting hairs in their mouth.. I'm pretty sure Indiana Jones is the only person who wants to wade through a humid jungle to find the treasure. And the end result is also some of the softest skin on the human body this side of a newborns ass.
C. Aesthetics. I mean, it just looks fabulous. Like, porn star amazing. Its a wonder I haven't exposed myself just to show people how awesome my junk looks. Of course I'm still on probation so an indecency charge would net me way more trouble than its worth.. but I can tell, looking into its eye, that it wants to be shown off. haha. Plus, dimension wise, everything looks... bigger.
So sorry I had to go off here and post all about my nether reigons.. but I'm in the unique position to promote more manscaping, I guarantee you'll be please with the results..
I know I am!
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
This non anonymous tags thing has allowed me to see that you coined the tag "battoo", and for that I would like to give you a high five.
Thanks for making my day more hilarious.
i ordered it by name, and the pimply kid behind the counter laughed for like 5 min and then called the order in back to the cook who laughed for another 5 min and then they made my sandwich. i was amazed that they knew what it was...but apparently this is a big deal with mcdonalds workers...so yeah. they made it for me...looked like the picture but when they wrapped it up, it was too big for the wrapper so they had to squish it a little bit.
but let me tell you that it was one of the greatest things i've ever eaten. and the best part is when i sat down to eat it, all the employees had to come watch. so i got my friends, and the employees (including the manager) cheering me on. in my head chariots of fire was playing hahaha.
it was monsterous in size, probably an inch thicker than the big mac. in fact now i think i want to try it with a big mac. mmmm i love that special sauce. i'll call it a sloppy mcgangbang...
and that first line is so awesome its going to be my edit to my blog