i don't know. it's been a while. right now i'm listening to inxs' 'never tear us apart'. i've now moved onto supertramp. i've been meaning to post something for a while, but sometimes i just can't get around to it. anyhow, lately i've been seeing this girl, she's amazing, beautiful, smart, just perfect.... but she's moving soon to start school. which is fine. it's not that far away. i just don't know what she thinks. today i gave her a photo frame. a frame that was holding a photo of her passed mother had broke and she was really upset by it, so i brought her a newish one today. i don't know. seemed like the right thing to do. she thanked me. i just feel like i don't get to see this girl enough. she's just completely amazing to be around. so she's moving an hour away. i don't think it's that much. no big deal right?
and then there's this other thing.
my ex is in town.
i went camping with her last month in bc. we had an amzazing, but very traumatic and intense time. it was just stupid. her and i have been on and off for 4 years! it's absurd. anyhow, we had an amazing time together even though it was pretty heated, and weird. no sex n stuff. just, intense. anyhow, she had booked this trip back to my town (where i met her etc) shortly after i had booked my trip to go to bc to see her. everything was awesome. till i went and camped with her. so now, she's not speaking to me. she's in town. i don't know where she's staying (she was originally gonna stay with me), and i feel like a chump. this girl has used me for years serving her ego. she always comes back at her lowest. but that's not the thing that bugs me. what irritates me is this: she's in town- i'd like to see her regardless of the situation. but the other day she had said to me via text 'don't expect to see me this weekend'. what the fuck? that one statement alone has kept me up for days. i can't even begin to explain our relationship, but this is something that was just devastating. literally. i know i'm not putting her in the greatest light, but it's complicated.
then you ask? what about the new one? that's who i'm staying focused on. it's been a very very very long time since i've been this interested in someone like this. she's moving too though, so we shall see.
as a good friend said not too long ago 'you seem to date nothing but women with an expiration date!' kinda sad, but very true.
love you.
