We've got a new starter in the English department this term. She's a very personable woman and she's an NQT (newly qualified teacher) so the department has been helping her out, settling her in and generally trying to warn her of the various idiosyncratic (a word here that means "utterly insane and manifestly counter-productive") practices that tend to proliferate in a school that's run as oddly as ours is. After a fairly involved (and inadvertently hilarious) conversation about our place's reporting system, I felt duty bound to point out that she should take pretty much everything I said with a pinch of salt, because, having worked there for just over 15 years, I've grown somewhat cynical about certain aspects of the job and I didn't want that cynicism to rub off on her. She sort of laughed that off and then went on to say that everyone in the department speaks very "fondly" of me, a statement that kind of floored me for a moment. And then it got me thinking.
It is true that I get along pretty well with most people I work with, but fondness? That's... unexpected. I am by instinct a very self-critical chap. As I'm also generally quite perceptive, that can be a bit of a problem. I'm very very aware of my failings and shortcomings. I've always sort of regarded myself as the weak link in the department in many respects. Not quite organized enough. Not quite ready to experiment enough. Not quick enough turning around marking. There are several other things I could add too, but you probably get the general idea. The notion that others in the department might genuinely value me was... well, not shocking exactly, but unexpected certainly. (And it's not as if my colleagues don't indicate that in a host of different ways, but sometimes I do just think they're being polite, you know... :) )
The thing is, if you're like me, you'll be well aware of your screw-ups and weaknesses in a range of areas. If you're like me, you'll have spent a fair amount of time evaluating those weaknesses and trying to work out how to eliminate them. Fair enough. You might not, however, spend as much time thinking about things you do well, or areas of your personality or character that are positive and that others value. So here's my challenge to you...
Cut yourself some slack. Take some time out of your busy schedule to think about yourself in a positive light. Remember something you did well and allow yourself the luxury (and it may feel kind of weird at first) to bask in the glory of that success. Because, you know, you're pretty damn good. In fact, you're bloody marvellous. And they may not have told you yet, but someone somewhere has noticed. :)
