jezabel

ok well i just got back from NYC and had much fun, I saw murphys law, sick of it all and kill your idols and I went to see the dead kennedys play CBGB's. I hung out with my friend stza and finally got to see C squat, and i met loads of nice people,I actually kept bumping into people i know which was quite odd but nice....and the health food stores there are amazing I demand they sell amys vegan pizza's over here like now!! I found that place so overwhelming though, i got lost so many times!!I'm going to be back there in a few weeks as I'm working for leftover crack on their US tour dates of which i'll post soon.......

however, right now i'm regaining my little black clouds i've suffered from depression for many years and although i know giving up my mediaction was the best thing i've ever done, sometimes i do anything to feel that numb again.I've had so much to do today but all i've wanted to do is go curl up in a corner and cry. I'm not very good at telling people whats up, but also thats because most people dont really know me. Part of my job and i guess my defense mechanism is my persona which is this crazy, outging confident person when actually i am painfully shy and i find always having to keep my confident facade up draining. I mean i've had friends i've known for ages and some of them i cant even look in the eye. I'm also getting pretty tired of being used by people (not just boys although they are terrible). But as always i know in typical jezabel fashion instead of sorting myself out i'll just keep making the same mistkes over and over again............sorry for ranting i just want someone nice to bring me a vegan milkshake and give me a hug................

hope you guys are all ok
Love
Jezabel
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