jewelz

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

For those of you who've been following my medical situation over the course of the last few months in my blogs, I finally got my answer on Monday....it's Systemic Lupus.

(For anyone who's not read them, and may be interested in them:
they are here
here
and here.)

It's only really finally hittin' me in the last 24 hours what that may mean to me, and to be honest with you, I'm frightened at the prospect of what may be in store for me in the future having to live my life with such an insideous auto-immune disease. I know that there are some people who can live their life with it and never have more than just minor symptoms, but there are also people who become incapacitated by it and to me that's just my worst nightmare!! I really consider myself to be a vibrant, gregarious person who is full of life, and the thought of living my life in a manner any less than that saddens me deeply.

But, I guess at least now I know. My medical history over the last 25 years has been a bit of a conundrum, and knowing that it's lupus makes it all make a bit more sense. I've recently started on a medication that is supposed to slow down the auto-immune response, and I'm hopeful that it might make a big difference for me in the way that I feel most days. My family nurse practitioner tells me that it will take 5-6 months before you see any difference, so I'm trying to be patient with it...not necessarily my strong suite but I'm definately getting more practice with trying to be patient these days

Knowing that it's Lupus has made my job-huntin' become that much more urgent as well... We have medical and prescription benefits through my old job with the State through the end of this month only I'm worried that if insurance coverage lapses now that I won't be able to become insured in the future now that I have a formal diagnosis of Lupus; if I don't lapse I should be OK because we've had insurance pretty much for the last 5-6 years straight through, often with double coverage. 'Course there's also the issue with medications to be considered, as they cost thousands of dollars per month, and there's really no way we could afford them without coverage.

So, yeah...it's been kind of a bummer month or so It's not all been bad, because I've had some really incredible weekends spent with Flashmo in between all the other junk! But between losing my job, having my son move back to Spokane, the first anniversary of my Mom's death, and this medical stuff I'm pretty much on overload right now. I've kind of gotten to the point where some days I just feel kind of numb from it all....I'm really hopin' things settle back into place soon!

(Oh, and I made the mistake of picking up "just one" cigarette about 4 or 5 weeks ago on the day that our son left Pocatello, and I'm now trying to kick that habit again, too. Yeah, I know....not the smartest thing to do after having been a non-smoker for the last three or four years!! I'm pretty pissed at myself about it, believe me.)

So, please send me your cosmic loves and good vibes!!! I could really use them right about now!

Flashmo will be on the road for the better part of the next three months; he's temporarily livin' and workin' in Van Nyes, CA. I'm hoping that I'll be able to see him a couple of times for a long weekend while he's away, last I heard that's kind of the plan. This is a great opportunity for him, and for us....so I'm doing my best to be supportive of the trip, even though it's gonna make for a long rest of the Summer. With this job, he'll have the chance to do what he does best...run big electrical work. He does it very well, and since we've been in Pocatello he's not really had that opportunity here. His boss has told him that they are grooming him for project management, which would mean an office job with only occasional travel. That would be fantastic!! So...I just keep reminding myself that this will be a great thing in the long-term for our future.

I had two job interviews yesterday...one of which may be promising. The other one was for much less money than I normally make, and the job had absolutely no benefits whatsoever. Uh...no, won't work...sorry! I was kind of pissed about it because when they set-up my interview I was led to believe that I would be working for a major insurance company as their employee, and then when I got to the interview I found out that it was as a support person for a single agent, not the company. I've been down that road before as an assistant to a Realtor, and just about starved to death! Everytime his business slowed up, so did my hours and pretty soon I was working 18 hours a week instead of full-time....so, even if we didn't HAVE to have medical insurance, I wouldn't have taken that position if offered.

The other position would be working with a headhunting company, as an executive assistant to the Executive Vice-President. I'd not heard of them before, but found out via the internet that they've been a major player in pharmaceuticals, biotechnology, and a few other emerging industries nationwide. It sounds like a pretty cool job, especially since Human Resources is my preferred field. I would be working half my time from her home office, and half my time from mine Sweet! The only drawback is that they don't specifically provide medical either, but they pay each employee extra money every month to go towards paying for their own policy on top of the salary you receive. She said they work with the employees to locate and obtain insurance as well. I don't know for sure if that would work for us or not, so I'll just keep it on the back-burner while I continue the search elsewhere... She also said that she expected the search to take about three weeks, so I can just check in with her from time-to-time while I'm lookin' for something else.

K. Enough words from me for a bit....time for some pictures!! Here's some update photos for the flowers I put in over Memorial day weekend:



The "before" pictures for my front flower bed....
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The "after" ones....
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Is that not the most incredible lily you have ever seen?? I counted 27 blooms on it that day!! It's just freakin' gorgeous


The bed on the other side of the front yard....taken last month
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The "after" ones....
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I'm so excited for my butterfly bush to bloom!! It's been comin' on pretty strong, so hopefully very soon

A few other random shots from the garden:


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I'm still waiting for a lot of my other lillies to start bloomin', and for my gladioli's to do the same. Anybody grow glads?? This is my first time with them, and I'm not as familiar with when they bloom, and for how long. I forgot to take any pictures of the back flower bed that day, so I'll have to post those next time.

Thanks as always for listening...you have no idea how theraputic this is for me sometimes!! It really does mean a lot to me to have so many of you that offer your caring, understanding and reassurance to me at times like this, because they are what I really need the very most. I hope to be able to return your kindness again soon!

Much loves to you all!
Jewelz

PS> bonus points to LadyBastet for saying:

Uh...yeah, I guess I do, don't I????