jessicunt

I saw Josiah today. We fucked. Fucked the same way I used to fucked. The kind that makes me feel like I could do without for about a week. But, also, the kind that makes me feel like I'm in love all over again.
That ... guy ... Drives me up the fucking wall. I'm getting tired of playing these stupid games with him. He's unfaitful, but it's not enough that he's unfaithful... He wants to keep being unfaithful, just to piss me off. I'm fucking tired of it. I want him so badly, but I am not going to deal with this kind of shit anymore. Ever again. I'd rather fuck someone that wants to fuck me and then not tell someone else he loves them. I figure, I deserve SOME FUCKING DEVOTION, and if he's going to tell me how much he wants me and anything like that, then it better fucking mean something, because this doesn't. This doesn't Mean anything. As it turned out, what I thought was something loving, was probably just Fucking. And it is driving me crazy. I can't take it anymore. It's bad enough I got dumped by my cheating boyfriend, but when I'm single, and all I want is some sort of companion, they want other people too?
Well FUCK THIS. This whole fucking thing is going to be over. I'm ending this. Done. No more of this shit. It doesn't matter how badly I want Josiah. It doesn't matter how badly he SAYS he wants me. This is not fucking enough. THIS IS NOT ENOUGH. Because I am tired of being fucked with, and if he can't figure that out, then he's the fucking dipshit and he deserves to lose everything.
Honestly, I can't vent enough.
I feel like I need to keep writing, because anytime I try to tell him this, it doesn't make it past his thick skull! And when I vent like this, I'm making up for all the times he's cut me short and played stupid.
I just want him to understand:
I'm not going to wait for him.
He needs to stop being childish.
He's not making any sense.
I don't trust him anymore.
I can look at him sometimes, and think, oh well.
I can live with-fucking-out him.

And all this means...
HE'S NOT WORTH THE FUCKING WAIT.

So he's either going to have to fix his shit... or I won't stick around to watch it crumble away anymore.

What a dick.